Rule number 1 for any girl...let alone a bond girl..  

Monday, 1 September 2008

I can not believe I broke rule number 1, I thought last night as I stamped my frozen clad feet on the pavement in nothing but a pair of dainty sky high, black gladiator style stiletto's. I knew it, I just knew it. I was fuming, you might ask why any self respecting female over the age of 21 would be standing at a taxi rank with no taxi's located on a dark street, save for the fluorescent street light flickering over head in a neighbourhood she was not familiar with and wearing under her coat a flimsy black cocktail dress. It all started when I broke rule number 1. My on/off man friend shall we call him had requested I appear as his date to some fancy cocktail party hosted by one of his flashy friends in Melbourne's social scene at some place I had never heard of. When... lets call him Lucifer shall we? called me on Thursday night I knew that even saying the word yes was dangerous. It went something like this:

BG: " Hi Lu, hows tricks?"
L: "Nothing doing babe, just this and that"
(L never answered a question specifically it was always in general terms...ask him how he was and he would reply...."oh not mad not sad" Anyway I digress...)
BG: I wait, he rang he should speak next... silence for 2 minutes at which point I realise he is brushing his teeth. "Ah, Lu" I say impatiently "What is it that you wanted?"
L: finishes brushing his teeth, spits, gargles and then says "You...babe...only you..."
BG: At this point I sigh and look outside my kitchen window to see a young kid of about 13 with a G UNIT tracksuit breaking and entering into my neighbours car. I didn't yell...the man is a racist...deserves to get his car broke into. Anyway I then turned my attention back to L.
"Look L," I begin "Life is short and time is money...I am in short supply of please"
L: Chuckles, "You always did have a sense of humour baby. Well here it is, you and me have been invited to a swanky do tomorrow night @ 9pm, Frankie's house."
BG: By now I knew L not to ask too many questions as I think he suffered from ADD the only time he focused I believed was when he was trying to get me into bed. So my window of opportunity to ask normal questions like dress code, what to bring, how many guests etc etc was limited. I stuck to asking the important ones. "So are you picking me up and what time?"
L: "no babe. cant have some stuff to take care of but let me give you an address."
I waited while he looked for the invite and when he finally found it he sounded out of breath when he came back on the phone. While I jotted down the address I realised that this must be the height of being pathetic and single because who says yes to a date the night before with her only questions being where and when? Just as I was about to go I heard L say my name in that barely there voice, that was so deep and velvety and smooth... it always made my knees weak..
"Yes L" I whimpered, fool I thought.
L: "Wear something sexy.short. something I can enjoy looking at. I've really missed you babe"
By the time I had realised he had hung up the dial tone had rung out, while my imagination had run rampant about soft butterfly kisses and....
Ok back to the reason I was standing there in the cold. L and I met up all right and the party was great. I looked great, he looked divine. He looked better than the chocolate fudge sauce they put on top of the ice cream on top of pancakes....divine I tell you. We were inseparable. He introduced me to all his friends and commented on how I was the most outstanding woman at the party. 20 minutes into the party I was ready to drag him home with me. However 6 hours later at 3am we stumbled out of the house with his three best mates, all of us high in spirits or more precisely high on Makers Mark. Leaving the party I assumed that he and I would go on to my place (his was an absolute tip and I swear last time I slept there I had to see the doctor soon after about some weird skin thing on my arm). However his best mate of the group and the drunkest one had lost his keys so as a favour the boys decide that they would help carry him the 2 or 3 blocks to his house and help him break in. I with my heels was not having it and thought L after seeing my protestations would break rank and let the other two haul his drunken mate home. Instead L comes over to me and wraps his strong, warm body around mine and in between the sweetest of tender kisses he says..."Babe...(kiss) wont take (kiss) long to (kiss) drop him off....(kiss) ok....(longer kiss). I like a deaf mute first nodded my head up and down for a few seconds, then realising he required actual words to proceed, told him I would wait for him at the taxi rank across the street but he would have to promise to be back within the half hour. And bloggers you know what this sexy, tall, chocolate, divine being said to me? From those full succulent lips, shining slightly from my cocoa icing lip gloss kisses he said..."TRUST ME'... and I upon hearing those words like the drunken fool I was, smiled and walked to the taxi rank. Number 1 rule of the Bond Girl or anyone else for that matter never trust anyone let alone a man who says trust me. TRUST is implied, there is no need to make it explicit and put it out there. Trust me had me waiting next to this taxi rank in the cold for 1-1/2 hrs.... TRUST ME he had said. When a taxi did finally arrive at the rank, I took one long look down the darkened street for any signs of life , I saw nothing except for the street sweeper making its way noisily down the street. I wiped icy tears from my eyes and climbed in. When I got home I went straight to bed, switching my mobile off dare he should ring. Knowing he would not. I woke up this morning bloggers and switched my phone on to hear this message from L with the bass of his velvety voice running through me,
"Hey babe, lovely night last night. Dropped Cam off finally but the boys asked me to stay for a few at the pub round the corner. I figured you would have gone anyway. You know how those boys are can't trust them! Anyway any chance I can drop by today....maybe we can poker. Call me."

I threw my phone against the wall after i had replayed the message about 10 more times..... TRUST ME, I won't be calling him tonight, my phone is broken now isn't it? Which is a bit of a problem because I still need to call city girl.....

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