How are you?  

Monday, 25 May 2009

Hey guys, its been so long.... I have been the definition of BUSY..... just look into ur dictionary, and this is what you will see:

1busy           Listen to the pronunciation of 1busy
Inflected Form(s):
busi·er; busi·est
Middle English bisy, from Old English bisig; akin to Middle Dutch & Middle Low German besich busy
before 12th century

Thank God for Memorial Day holiday..... I am in Miami with my boyfriend and some of our friends..... enjoying the beautiful south beach and picnic

Just wanted to say hello and to find out how u guys are..... I will come back and update on what i have been up to, even though my life now is all about work and work......

Thanks Danny Bagucci for checking up on us.....

My mum was in town two weeks ago and there was DRAMA!!!! thankfully not mine this time around... i promise to come back and spill

Have a beautiful week and for those in the US....Happy Memorial Day

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Pride and costs more than lilies...  

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

I listened to you all and saw Black's point of view. I finally caved in when I realised that this was a make-up or break-up situation. So I approached Black and we got everything out on the table. CG telling DJ helped A LOT. Thanks babe! However the uneasiness in our relationship had set in. We had hit that relationship wall where the honeymoon was over and the rose tinted glasses had come off.

What I quickly came to realise is that my man is not easy nor is he cheap to win back. I thought parading around in sexy lingerie might get a rise (excuse the pun) and be the end of it...the only thing he did was get up and say he had to work early. Note to self: when Black is really mad sex in whatever form will be ignored. Ouch! Attempt 1 shot down.

2nd attempt: Dinner.... The easiest way through to a man's heart is food right?
I came home early from work and went straight to his apartment. I was wearing the tightest dress, highest heels, cleavage popping and was able to make from scratch and serve up his favourite meal (peanut pumpkin leaves, roast potatoes, beef stew and chocolate mousse). He came home wolfed everything down, kissed me on the flipping forehead, said thank you, took his lap top and a tower of files to his office.

Never say die I say so attempt No.3 was already forming in my head as I washed the dishes: Call outside forces. Yep I called his friends and sisters, if anyone knew where his head was at it was them. His sisters were totally unsympathetic they all said he was pouting, throwing a hissy fit and should be left to his own devices. Another week of half speak, no eye contact, excruciating silence or polite talk and most importantly no sex and kisses on the cheek/forehead were going to kill me. 3 weeks of this and I was already fed up. His friends were no help either they said and I quote "B, I dont know what you did but he is pissed". Which meant that he was still driving down angry boulevard and was still no where near forgiveness avenue.

Attempt No.4
I decided that men when they mess up they send flowers and a card to your job right? So I went to the florist near Black's work and tried to find the appropriate flowers for a man. Do you bloggers know what a full bouquet of lilies cost? It aint cheap that's all I'm saying. I went back to my office and waited by my phone. That was 1pm. At 4.30pm I got an email message saying. "Thanks. Black". Erm WTF??? I was furious and as I went around picking up my things to get out of the office I was swearing under my breath resolved that he was not going to get a 5th attempt. Thanks??

2days pass. No text messages, no phone calls, no emails. Day 3 I was sitting on my bedroom floor @ 11pm drinking a glass of wine, staring at my defunct stripper pole, feeling extremely sad, lonely and incredibly horny. Then I started crying. CRYING PEOPLE. Never cried over a man in my bleeding life and there I was blubbering....I was paralytic with sadness. I crawled into my bed with my box of kleenex and blubbered myself to sleep. I remember waking up, feeling really warm and this heavy thing around me. I looked at the time and it was 3am. Feeling the heaviness surrounding me I realised in my sleep haze it was an arm firmly placed around my mid section. With the light from my phone I checked to see I was not hallucinating. There my baby lay, in all his chocolate goodness. I could have sat there watching him breathe in and out forever if he hadn't opened one eye squinting "Oi for goodness sake go to sleep its late". You know what bloggers snuggled up to my man on a cold Melbourne winters night, the rain pelting the windows and the wind howling I didn't think about sex or who was right or wrong. I just thought how nice it was to have this and how I had missed it. I might be a convert to all this mushy love stuff after all....

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...............and the truth shall set you free, or NOT???????  

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

CG: hey baby, are you free for dinner tomorrow night?

DJ: yea sure, where do u wanna go?

CG: nowhere, i was thinking more like my place, i will cook and u just bring the wine...

DJ: (sounding like he was trying to hold back a giggle) u? cook? really? what do u want from me? or what happened cuz the only time i see u in the kitchen is when you want to get the takeout menus.....

See, i am a really good cook, but i HATE cooking. I dont remember the last time i used my stove. DJ is the cook and he loves it so y bother?
I told him i was in the mood to cook and was going to surprise him, and oh what a surprise he got!
I left work early on monday to go food shopping. I decided to go African and make him pounded yam and vegetable soup, (like my mum's) with all those assorted meat and co. That was one of his fave delicacies and i needed to feed this man in readiness of the talk that was going to take place after.

Let me rewind and tell you what brought this on. I decided to take up my neighbour's persistent invite to their church, yea city girl went to church... thats story for another day, and how i wish i didnt go that sunday. The pastor decided to preach on "Restitution". Out of all the topics talked on in church, this was one i really couldnt stand cuz i dont really understand it. Why go back and restitute when you will only end up hurting more people. The pastor gave examples of blessings we were not receiving cuz we have not restituted our sins. It touched me and i decided to do some restitution of my own, hence the call i made to my boyfriend when i got home from church.

He came over for dinner and ate so much he could barely get up. In our months of dating, i'd only cooked once before monday and he loved it then so i had no worries about him not liking my food. He praised my cooking and asked if i could even make him a pot of the vegetable. Since i knew what was still ahead, i agreed instantly......which took him by surprise cuz he was expecting a hell no! that was the beginning of surprises.
So baby, do u wanna go watch CSI Miami? (his fave tv show), its starting. We moved to the couch and cuddled up. Then i started.......... i found myself spilling the australia semi-fling to him word for word, even the fleeing away scene. The only pauses i took was to take some wine for more courage. When i was done, he said "thats OK. so can we see how Horatio will solve this case"?

Bloggers, i was stunned. He didnt move away from me, he even pulled me closer and continued watching TV. I asked him if he had any questions or comments and he said NO.
That was monday, we have not talked about it again, and his attitude has not changed. Is this the calm before the storm? or has he truly forgiven me cuz all ive been doing since then is apologise. He's told me to stop apologising.
I wish i didnt come clean but all thats keeping me going are:

1. I did it to solve the tension black and BG have going on. Now the truth is out, he doesnt have to feel like hes betraying his friend

2. Restitution sets free

3. I want a honest relationship and i will want DJ to be honest with me too

Now all i am going to do is wait for the storm cuz i really dont think he's ok with his girlfriend semi-cheating on him..... Thats my week so far bloggers, how has yours been?

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Black its not me....its not you...its Us....  

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

I was almost certain that CG had taken the fun with her. It was so quiet in my apartment I could almost hear every sound that my surrounding neighbours made. The twins had moved out of Black's apartment in the city to the suburbs nearer to our parents and a good hour drive away from me. Black had so much work on his plate he hardly was ever around and almost always half asleep or not speaking when he was around.

So you can imagine the joy my little heart experienced when my sister Kiki (half of the crazy twins) came over on Saturday night to hang out. Kiki is the responsible and sensible one mostly when she's not being influenced by Lila. Anyway after 2 more glasses of the third bottle of wine Kiki blurted out "I'm seeing this guy,I really like him, don't lecture me about sex please. My issue is that he has more bedroom experience than I and I want to improve my game before I sleep with him. I need tips."

I knew Kiki was sexually conservative to an extent. When CG, Lila, Skittles and I were talking of sexual positions we enjoyed she left the room so embarrassed. I'm a firm believer in knowing what you are getting into and researching the hell out of a topic to get the most out of the learning experience. I brought my assorted things in my sex box from underneath the dungeons of my bed. Without missing a beat or blinking an eye lid at the fact that I kept a sex box underneath my bed Kiki simply brought out her marker and was taking notes and stapled together the photocopied pages I gave her to make into a booklet as a reference guide. So I found myself bonding with my little sister on a Saturday night finding out what positions she knew, liked, disliked, was good at and needed to work on. By 11pm she was pretty sure she had everything she needed and I called her a cab to take her home. On her way out Black arrived from a boys night out not giving me any time to clear up the box. The minute he walked in and saw the box I explained to him about Kiki and from nowhere he got so mad. I knew he was very protective of her but combine concern and a tipsy get foolish drama.

Black: Seriously? WTF? She's like 24 why would you show her those things? You should be teaching her about abstaining for goodness sake.
BG: Abstaining in which house? Do you see hypocrite on my forehead ehn? I have a stripper pole in the middle of my bedroom mate!
Black: Oh now you are making a mockery out of this. All I'm saying is if she was my little sister I would not be bringing the handcuffs and lubrication out & talking about rodeo positions...
BG: But she's not your sister & she did not come in here asking for my judgment. She wanted tips. If little things Ive learned like being able to get honey off a banana without leaving bite marks can be used to help her head game so be it.
Black: BG be serious for two seconds please. You and CG run around on your sexual mature revolution tip and promote things like booty calls, one night stands and sexing like a man but pushing this on to Ki...ah mehn..come on now!
BG: Sorry where the FCUK did we just go in this convo? Are we not just discussing the morality of giving a 24yr old woman sex tips? Then you go say CG and I are what? Are you insinuating we are promiscuous...what the hell Black?
Black: I'm going to bed, this is escalating into something else...
BG: Going to bed where? You want to pontificate about morals and then you as unwed to me as you are want to climb into my bed and sleep in my sheets? Then feel up on me in the middle of the night? Not tonight Papi! Either you explain that shit you just said or get to stepping.
Black: seriously?
BG: Is Ashton Kutcher here I look like I'm joking heh?
Black: Look all I'm saying is your attitude and CG's attitude to sex and relationships are different to Kiki's. I mean come on you and CG think its funny that she realised she loved her boyfriend after nearly having a one night stand with a guy with a small dick. That shit is not right!
BG: Again I do not see the correlation here Black. She came here asking to get some notes on my sexual experience...experience might I add Mr. High and mighty, Mr. Can-I-have-a-pole-dance-tonight-please that YOU have greatly benefited from.
Black: This is not about us this is about you giving tips to a girl who before this was happy being oblivious to BG's sex 101 class
BG: Eh? anh you have jokes ehe? Ah my friend be careful of this road you are persisting on traveling on....mssscheeeeew. This is about you Black and whatever crap you have been holding onto.

Anyway we went on like this for another hour until we touched upon the real issue of the matter. Black has a guilty conscience DJ being his friend and CG's BF he feels like he's lying to his friend when DJ and him talk. He also was not happy with my so called part in allowing CG to go on dates while she was here (he says allow like I can stop a grown woman like CG). So Bloggers for the last two weeks I do not know where this relationship of mine has been. We are barely civil to each other right now and fighting about what I no longer know. Help...

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Its been so long........... Jay's Story  

Monday, 6 April 2009

Apology for going MIA on blogging..... its been a crazy few weeks or even months...

So Australia was fun despite the tons of work i had to handle. I already gisted u guys about Jay, the handsome dude i met at a bar on a boring night...
After we had dinner that thursday evening, we started talking everyday. He always knew the right things to say. He would come down to the centre for lunch, and the days i couldnt leave my desk, we will have lunch in the office. I was getting used to his constant calls and attention. This made me ignore my boyfriend D.J and i blamed it on time difference and work. I dont know why i never told Jay i was in a relationship, i guess its cuz he never asked. He always said the right things and i noticed i was getting carried away. I had promised myself i was not going to cheat on DJ but the temptations were too crazy.

Three days before i was scheduled to leave Melbourne, my boss emailed me and said i had to stay an extra three weeks to supervise the opening of our new office in Melbourne. I was really happy cuz it meant more time with BG and Jay. I felt a little guilty for leaving DJ for so long, but its for work, i had no choice. D.J asked if he should come down for a week since he could fit that in but i refused vehemently saying it was too expensive and i was going to be very busy. Gosh i was in lust with Jay. After a movie night at BG's house, he asked if i wanted to go have midnight drink with him and despite my home gurl's warning, i went with him and we ended up at his apartment. One thing led to another and we started kissing and i guess i had too much to drink cuz we ended in his bedroom

He started undressing me slowly, taking off my black skinny jeans, exposing the midnight blue lacy boy shorts i wore under. I told him he had to take off his shirt too. fast forward to us being semi nude... i was in my bra and shorts and he had on his boxers. At first, i thought it was the alcohol that was messing with my sight and making me miss the huge bulge thats supposed to be in his boxers. He took it off anf alas! what did i see? the tiniest d*** a girl could ever see, and yes its supposed to be erect...........

I ran out of the apartment as fast as i could with the words, im sorry ive got a boyfriend i am in love with......... I jumped into the nearest taxi i could get, leaving him calling after me with such aggressiveness and desperation.....
I could have cheated on D.J, afterall, our relationship is still kinda new but one thing City girl won't do, is f*** a guy with a tiny d***.........

Two weeks later, i got to JFK, flew into my baby's arms and told him for the very first time, that i loved him.............

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Bond Girl getting serious about Skittles  

Thursday, 26 March 2009

I promised this post for Tigeress who wanted some more insight into my friend Skittles situation. Just a reminder where I introduced her in my last post

I love Skittles she's fun, vivacious, loves colour and life to the fullest. The only area that I wish she would change is her man situation. She has been living with her man TT for 5years. He shows no sign of commitment (he still introduces her to peeps as his "boo thang" )...yeah uh huh...she's 28 years old and does not need a 30 year old referring to her in juvenile terms

You might know a guy like Skittles boyfriend he is in no way a bad guy. He is quite sweet, loving, respectful, appreciative and attentive as far as boyfriend's go. The sticking point in their relationship is his inability to show commitment that moves the relationship forward. In all relationship's you always come to a point in deciding whether you can no longer be where you are at or whether you continue on to the next stage. Stagnant relationships make for unhappy people. It doesn't even apply to just boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, it also applies to friends, ex's, jobs etc. In this case Skittle's and TT have been together for 11 years in total. After 5 years they came to the point of moving in together. Now they are in this stagnant place where she wants marriage and he wants to hold off for a while longer. When she presses him for how much longer she will have to wait he shrugs, is silent or gets angry and tells her to stop nagging him.

Everyone from my mother, her mother to CG, me and to Black himself have told her to put her foot down and request that he put the ring on it. Skittles greatest reason for hesitation was being unsure of TT's response. If she did say its the ring or the end she honestly felt that he would turn around and surprise her by ending the relationship. However she could not go forward and she could not go backward. While she was here, Skittles mind was clearly elsewhere. After bugging her for days finally she admitted to what was worrying her. She was pregnant and had just found out before traveling .You can imagine my shock. CG nearly choked on her wine and Black looked up at the ceiling. Anyway she had already decided to keep the baby and wanted to tell TT the good news. She was very optimistic that this was a sign and it would be the push their relationship needed. When she returned home this week she told TT the news and he went ballistic. He Accused her of trying to trap him (after 11yrs she tries to trap you now?...erm ok)and forcing him into marriage so soon (soon? the man is 30, they own the home they live in and he has a regular high income). I'm sure TT is just freaked out and needs time to comprehend this new development but their situation got me thinking. What was once an issue about choice or decision is now about responsibility and obligation...two words that can kill romance so quick that you will get dizzy.

Like I said although this is a relationship problem this can occur in anyone's relationship. If you are in a job that no longer makes you happy or a friend that no longer provides you with the friendship you require or want you feel suffocated in no man's land waiting for to something to change the situation. If you have an ex that you go back and forth with and always seem to return to the same place again that going nowhere situation will always leave you unhappy, unsure and dissatisfied. Don't let something decide for you what you HAVE to do, make the choice and decide what you WANT and NEED to do.

One of the most eye opening books is Iyanla Vanzant's book In the meantime. Ms Vanzant speak the truth by pointing out that a lot of us are "In the meantime" i.e “When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime.”

People in the meantime:
• You know what is wrong with your ex-lover yet still get drawn in with his/her issues
• You are crying for no apparent reason, and you do not want anyone to know you are crying.
• You have been fired or laid off.
• You are separated or recently divorced.
• You haven’t had any dates in the last nine months.
• You are not married but have been sharing toothpaste and closet space and still aren’t sure this is what you want to be doing.
• You are not married, do not share toothpaste, and have given up on dating.

And here is what is probably going through your mind:
Don't know why I can't go. Don't know why I should stay. Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how I am going to get there, wherever there is.

Well Bond Girl likes to keep it light in her posts but this one is serious and close to her heart so what does Blogville think? Am I right is it best to make the hard decision to let go before something happens and its made for you?

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Bond Girl S'pecially for you...  

Monday, 16 March 2009

Having not seen Black this whole week it was kind of a thrill to be able to call him to make plans about our weekend rendezvous. We both normally finish quite late on a Friday but I actually managed to leave work by midday (when I’m on a mission I can finish a pile of work so quickly it will make my own head spin) and Black had shuffled his day around to be able to leave by 6pm. By 1pm I was at Crown Spa Complex getting myself waxed, plucked, manicured, pedicured, scrubbed, painted, massaged and lathered up with vanilla mousse lotion. By 2.30pm I thought what the heck lets fix the hair while I’m at it. I drove to my hairdresser who was actually more than accommodating seeing that I had no appointment to shampoo, straighten and highlight my bob cut (yes I was one of the black girls who jumped on the Rihanna bob cut and no I don‘t have a big forehead but I rock that fringe/bangs). By 4pm I was driving back to the hotel scattering rose petals, ordering champagne on ice for our arrival later, asking for scented candles, making sure I had brought the massage oil kit (shout out to the twins for my xmas gift).

By 5.55pm I was standing in front of my car waiting for Black in front of his office complex. I was feeling a little vulnerable and paranoid especially since I was wearing a trench coat and the best lingerie ensemble CG’s money could buy courtesy of Victoria Secret (Shout out to the ladies in Crown Plaza who in 20 minutes found me the above piece* and who got me the free entry to the Crown Spa Complex- it pays to smile and be nice!).

By the time we were entering the lobby of the hotel I was feeling so tired and exhausted. My early morning starts and very late finishes were catching up with me but I was happy I was getting some time out. Our hotel suite was on the 16th floor and at the 4th floor Black jokingly said “ Ok now show me what you got little mama” …he didn’t expect me to flash him of course but I did…lol…by his wide eyes and open mouth it looked like he approved. Unfortunately for him on the 5th floor another couple got on the elevator with us. Having seen a glimpse of the goodies he kept poking me (with his finger get your mind out of the gutter Shona!) saying “baby if we get off here and take the stairs it will be quicker”. Um yeah right…in these heels? The man was crazy…I told him to stop poking me otherwise his finger would be the only thing poking me that weekend. He immediately stopped but when we got to the 16th floor he grabbed my hand and rushed out of the elevator heading left (our suite was on the right). “Eh Eh….you don’t even know where you are going!” I said to him. Impatiently he snapped at me…”So bloody well tell me then”. Excuse me? Blogville I stopped dead in my tracks, hands on my hips, head doing its exorcist turn, foot tapping “Eh? What did you just say?”. Never seen a man apologise so quickly …stumbling and stuttering over words…lmao.

Needless to say that once we were inside the room (he didn’t even take stock of the petals, candles and champagne….after all the work…) In between removing the trench coat and kissing I was asking him “So baby you like the room?” he answered distracted.. “Yeah beautiful, yep great…lovely…baby what kind of trench coat is this? It has buttons and was it necessary to button all of them?”.
*roll eyes* clearly the vanilla scented candles had no relevance at that point. The last thing I remember was him lifting me and placing me on the bed. Now blogville before you judge let me point out that this week I have been getting a maximum of 4hours of sleep, running around work and hosting CG….so I didn’t mean to fall asleep while my man was kissing on my neck…I really didn’t. When I did wake up, I could sense he was watching me. Cocking one eye open, I saw him lounging in a chair facing me, with this unimpressed look on his face… I sneaked a loom at the bedside table clock praying I hadn’t fallen asleep for to long…it read 10pm (I had been out for 3hrs) I smiled sheepishly at him. He stared me down and said “ Now that you are rested…you better bring you’re A game…I’m expecting Cirque du Soliel type moves in this room tonight”. I would have laughed but the dead pan look on his face was telling me to play it safe. Please tell me I’m not the only one to ever do this? LOL, I did make it up to him…I did but he is still grumbling about this. Especially because CG keeps pretending to fall asleep during conversations with him and saying “Dang sorry…did I fall sleep?”. NOT HELPING CG…NOT HELPING AT ALL!

I promised Tigeress to write a post about my friend Skittles who is going through some drama's with her man. Tigeress next post will be it ok? Hopefully her drinking session with CG had her thinking about other things over the the hangover's they have been nursing...just looking at them I can see the debauchery written on their face....makes me wonder what they got up to.....hmmm well I need to leave this office Monday is almost over. Have a great week everyone!

*Disclaimer...that is not me in the picture...that is the lingerie CG bought for me.

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