Bond girl acting too white or Robin acting too Black?  

Friday, 26 September 2008

For all the bloggers that follow my crazy life you will be happy to know that Black 007 has found an apartment of his own and we have settled in to a comfortable routine of being friends. So much so that I dragged him out on Wednesday night for dinner with my brother TQ and his girlfriend Robin (not their real names) both of whom I have not seen in over 6-8 months. TQ and Robin have been dating for over a year and when I first met her I immediately liked her because she had this shy yet endearing quality about her. She had a sweet if not bordering on naive nature that made you want to look after her. I soon got to know her better and found her to be someone I could go to movies, the club, museums, fashion shows basically anywhere and have a really good time with because she was always enjoying the moment. The last time I saw her, she was coming out the hairdressers her long shiny black hair curled and coiffed to have this effortless farrah fawcett-esque like hairdo. Her hair framed her usual make up free face and I could see her tiny diamond studs twinkling at me. She was wearing a purple jersey dress that accentuated her ample hips and tiny waist, black stockings, black boots and purple tote bag with a gold medallion chain hanging from her neck. Now months later I had been hearing from a few sources that she had gone "GHETTO FAB" on my brother who was just as confused as everyone else.

On Wednesday night I got the confusion. Before me sat a very tanned, slightly slimmer girl her gorgeous black hair tamed into cornrows with extensions. As I leaned over the table to kiss her hello I could see up close the thick layer of matte foundation, kohl eyeliner and mascara encircling her green eyes as if caged. Her gold plated bangle like hoop earrings clanged as we kissed french style. Or I thought it was the earrings could have been the 2 neck chains or the 5 bracelets encasing each wrist. As I noticed all the jewelery her tongue ring and the extra ear piercings taunted me to comment. To top it off as she said hi to black007 she popped a piece of gum and then said "sorry homie, I am trying to quit smoking so you know how it be, gotta be on this gum shit". My mouth literally dropped open at the use of the word homie and you know how it be, the fact she had taken up smoking and that she now swore this from a girl who took classical music lessons, ballerina classes, french classes and had a degree in Arts/English Literature.

As we ate and caught up I realised she had changed a whole lot. Robin by the way had decided to shorten her name to Ro (insert rolling of the eyes here please). She was a lot louder and as she relayed her club stories, her recent fights waving her long french manicured nails with diamante in my face I cringed at the total destruction of her vocabulary. Imagine Katie Holmes suddenly dressing like Foxy Brown and speaking like one of those chicks on Maury Povich (No offense but this chick is Australian for goodness sake!). I sat back in my chair and surveyed the scene. I looked at my brother in his immaculate suit and her in mini black dress with very low back and stripper like shoes and wondered if he could see what I could see. By the way he was so focused on his plate of food and refusing to look at me and his one word answers to my questions he obviously knew what I was thinking. To top off our bizarre dinner at the end I had been eating honey and sesame prawns and she had been eating ribs I asked the waitress for two finger bowls with lemon and Robin turns to me and says "damn girl, you is soooo white, asking for finger bowls and speaking all correct with know how we do. Keep it real and use napkins". I kid you not bloggers my eyes widened, my heart beat quickened and I semi attempted to rise when I felt Black007 quickly clamp his hand on my hand to drag me right back down. I was too shocked to speak. Did this girl think that my good behaviour, my parents expensive investment in top education and my cultural experiences = WHITE?? And implied her trashy get up, her tacky jewelery, make up and her language was what being black was about?? I didn't even know who to be angrier at my brother for allowing her to go this far or myself for not correcting her there and then?

Now I should add here that I love my black people. We come in different shades, from different places with different values and attitudes. We live in ghettos,in mansions, in middle class neighbour hoods, in council flats, in huts and on the street. Watching BET entertainment will never convey who we really are nor can watching Soulja Boy Crank That define what we strive to be in life. How someone thinks that by speaking a certain way, wear certain clothes, walk with a certain swagger, sleep with the black men of the hour can make them black just lets me understand that Talib Kweli was right...they just know the name they dont know the pain.

As it turns out I didn't have to give her a dressing down Black007 was the one who took her back to school. We walked to our cars and Black007 walked towards his car a black Audi to open the passenger door for me and then Robin says.."Dang...Niggas is rollin...whaaaaaaaaaaat!!". My brother stepped in front of that girl so quickly because he knew that was like the word that made it the last straw. Black007 paused, I could see the vein in his neck throbbing. He turned slowly and walked right up to the couple. All he said was " Ro, Robin whatever you call yourself... I am not a Nigga, I do not speak the way you speak, my beautiful black sisters dress sexy and modestly and are always leading fashion where it should be not where it has been. You.... you are a lost child. Find your way home before you get so lost everyone forgets who you were and what you looked like.... you are you mothers daughter act like it".....

Ah that man.....always says it so well... so what are your opinions people, did she deserve the dressing down?? until next time bloggers....

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The 'L' word............. hmmmn!!!!!  

Monday, 22 September 2008

I'd never been happier to be back in NY. I had to stop over briefly in London during the fashion week which i wont lie was great. I'm just a bit tired of tartan! I love shopping in London, the high street stores are so cheap and nice, top shop, next, river island, new look, even Primark.... you get good bargains which no one knows where they r from in NY. I remember i wore a dress to work some months ago and my boss couldnt stop admiring it. When i told her i bought it for approximately $30, she flipped!
Anyway, so i land at JFK at like 2pm on saturday and guess who i was standing there holding a bouquet of yellow roses? yep! NG...... i was really tired and in my mind i was like what the f**k? i was so not ready to deal with him. I put on my Oscar performance. Shouted Baby! across the baggage claim, jumped into his arms, kissed him and oohed and aahed the 'i miss you baby' lines! You should have seen me, you'd think we just got engaged. He took me home. Pls note, i only told him my arrival time, i said specifically pls dont pick me, i'd take a cab..... So i guess guy was feeling romantic. I really dont need this now.....
Remember in my last post, i said i was telling Chris. I did, he was heartbroken, oh no, i think he feigned it cuz we both knew we had no future. he's french, im Nigerian and the only condition my parents were still putting up with my job, personality, and lifestyle (My mum hates everything i do, where i live and everything cuz she believes a decent Nigerian girl should be a doctor, lawyer, and not dress people up ! or one of those things, yea she loves bondgirl cuz shes a lawyer) was if i vowed to marry a Nigerian; and i intend on keeping it for peace to reign. Chris and i split over a final breaking up sex which was wow! too explicit to describe. It involves a jaccuzzi, whipped cream, strawberries and water proof sex toys... so go figure! Its over for city girl and Chris, i hope!

We get home: NG and i, and he drops me off asking me to come over to his for dinner that night, did i tell u guys he was a good cook? he actually did go to a culinary school for a year. What dont they do in new york. At 7pm, dressed up and looking very french with my red beret and pumps..... (i love dressing european) i set off for his house. We had dinner, which was lovely, lamb sure tastes good, had homemade chocolate cake for dessert and watched a movie, the notebook.... how hopelessly romantic! i was quite uncomfortable with all the mushiness he was acting out. He asked me to spend the night which was no problem. The man has needs right? Now here comes the problem, when we were cuddled and all silent and about to sleep, NG says, city girl i love you......... Stunned and shocked, i let out a fake soft snore.......

This is hanging in the air. He thinks i didnt hear him so im sure he'd say it again. How am i to react? i like him, but love? not yet, lets still see how it goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As women, why do we love someone who doesnt love us back and when we meet a guy who's totally into us, we hesitate??????

Im going for an early morning work out and yoga class...... help figure how i'd respond the next time he uses the L word

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"If you dont stand for something you will fall for anything"  

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Bond Girl is still single. Don't worry this is good news. Black 007 is back and he and I discussed our relationship at length. I am a person who can not be rushed nor pushed into something as big as a relationship without laying the ground work first. He is a man who knows what he wants from the beginning and works hard to lay out and keep his goals. So after talking so much this week (yes just talk bloggers, I was tempted, he was VERY tempted but we have held off for now)we came to the decision to be friends for a little while. We have been out of each others daily lives for awhile now and need to get back into the routine of being friends..... for now at least. It is very tempting at the moment especially because he has moved out of his hotel and is staying in my spare room while I help with apartment hunting.

As for work...I quit. I called Ms DWP's bluff and I handed in my resignation giving her a full months notice of my departure. She tried to give me back the job I was demoted from, then tried to give me the head position. I had to decline bloggers because I could see that this woman only worked well by having a hold over her employees. The constant threat of redundancy, the constant feeling of being close to a breakdown due to the work load, the constant humiliation of public dressing downs via her cutting remarks or lectures was how she controlled everyone in that office. Funnily enough City Girl and Black 007 gave me the same good advice

If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything

After cleaning my house for 4 hours and hiding any sign of Black 007 which included burning incense to clear any male scent that might be lingering I then had to do the most difficult thing. Tell my mother. When I told my her of my decision she was not impressed. First she looked up at the ceiling of my apartment with an annoyed look on her face as if she was asking God why he had given her me, why not a simple child with simple issues? Then she clicked her tongue and said casually "you know joblessness is a disease that has an expensive cure?...I hope you are thinking with your wallet and not your heart". It was hard not to laugh but you know African mothers if you laugh when there is no might as well slap yourself and save her the trouble. I tried to reassure and promise her that I had enough of my savings to last me 6 months of joblessness during which time I would not succumb to prostitution, stripping or god forbid working at KFC. (How she equates or puts prostitution and working at KFC as part of the worst things I could do is just funny but that's my mother) As she was leaving she said "I hope the man living here is paying rent, I did not raise my child to be a charity haven. Make sure you clean your lounge suite as I can smell his cologne. In fact ask him what it is, it smells nice. Maybe your father might like it eh?"..... Bloggers I was speechless....still am... Ah well the powers of an African mother....until next time bloggers

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Live from Paris  

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Warning: Post may be incoherent and mixed up due to excessive drinking and partying....... Sorry!

Arrrgghhh!!!!!! Hangover is a biatch....... Ive this splitting headache and i can barely look at my screen! i cant even remember what i drank. i think i stopped counting after the third champagne bottle. Blame sexy Christian, forcing me to go out last night to celebrate a new client he got. Yea, im still in Paris, even though the events are officially over. Let me rewind to a day before i left NY.

Packing for my trip, NG (remember i blogged about him earlier) buzzes my apartment, i opened the door in my VS sweat pants and tank top, looking a bit dishevelled. Looking at me, he burst out "I want us to be committed"... see me see trouble. Ha, when i had plans for Paris, to enjoy my days of non-commitment while they last. He said he was up all night thinking and realised he wanted me, he even used the L word. I was shocked and stunned. I told him i cant answer him now cuz my mind is on the trip and we will definitely talk when i get back.

I got on the plane very confused the next morning. I like NG bu im not sure if i want to be in a relationship. I have been wary since Akin and i have actually never been in a serious rship since then. Besides, i have Chris and some other guys im not sure i want to cut out of my life yet. By the way, reading comments here have changed my opinions slightly about Nigerians. I left nigeria at an early age and didnt get to fully converse with nigerian girls my age and most Nigs i interact with here and while i was in Europe are so hypocritical and quick to judge. This made me steer clear and i really dont have a nigerian friend i can say is cool. They talk behind ur back, judge u and all that s**t. I was particularly stunned at the advice i was getting here. I love u guys im meeting here.
Anyway, i got to Paris with the girl from the London office who i joined at Heathrow to come down together. She's actually really nice and not stuck up like some i meet. Getting to the hotel, guess who i saw first at the reception. Christian! Thank God i was looking on point. Ladies, skirts are verryyyyyyy sexy. trust me. He comes straight to me grinning like a cat's who found I love the way french people greet cuz u cant tell if its romantically or professionally so it suited me fine. Dont want office rumors. The five days of the event were great, with Chris i mean. We had dinner, went round town, the partied and basically did something every night and he always came over to my hotel room after. Btw, Afrobabe i went shopping and got NG beautiful shirts..... :) (part of my being nice technique) I have been having the best time of my life and im dreading going back to NY cuz im not sure what to tell NG. I asked my boss for a couple extra days to learn a few things in the Paris office..... lol...... Can you imagine who signed off the request from the office here? yep. Chris! and who says office romance doesnt pay????
Im tired, i have to meet Chris for brunch in one hour and i think i should tell him about NG since im leaving in 2 days..........

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Enter Black 007 into the City of Sin (Beware long post )  

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Let me take a breather because I am so confused and don't know where to begin with the story of the man I never let go of, the man who puts L to shame, the man who I should be married to, the man I still yearn to marry, the man who knows me inside and out and who would leave no doubt that I was his when I was in his company. He is Black 007 the one who changed me from a naive girl to a street wise sophisticate. Sometimes I ask if he is real or imagined? Perfection can not come in this divine human form and surely can not be owned. But I digress bloggers I need to calm this erratic beating that I think is my heart but sounds like drums of mother Africa within me.

I call him Black 007 because when we met we both were looking for a bond movie at the video rentals. I was 16, he was 18 and to me he was so mature and to be honest he is still so mature. We dated for 4 years and in that time he never pushed for me sex, all he said was "its yours and you decide when". In our 3rd year my parents marriage started to crack and all the ugly stories started to come out. They never divorced but the she said, he said war took its first victims...the naivete and trust of the three children (myself, my older brother and my twin sisters)Before my parents marriage was exposed I was so sure that I would marry Black 007 because he was goal oriented, ambitious, intelligent, gorgeous, kind, loving and supportive. When I met him he was working 2 jobs and studying for his double degree in Business and Law, by the time he was twenty he had purchased an apartment with his parents help. At the time I was 19 and I think my parents thought they did not need to shield me anymore. I found out about other relationships in the family I had envied and wanted to emulate where the truth had been hidden,(you know the usual stories of abusive husbands, cheating husbands, second and in some cases third families). It shattered my belief in love, marriage and trust. By our fourth year I was drifting away from Black 007. Finally he confronted me and asked me to make a choice. I made it on my birthday. For the first time in four years we made love. The next morning I woke him up to tell him it was over. We parted as friends but he made me promise that I would only contact him when I needed help. It has been six years and in that time I have seen him twice. One time I went to him when he needed me and the other time when I needed him. I don't know where he has been for the last two years, last I hear he was working in New York (thanks to City Girl!) The only contact I have is his email address that he set up especially for me, if I need him I email.

When I was leaving the office last Friday my heart was heavy even though the mood around me was light and jovial. Ms DWP has given the job I was after to someone else and has now demoted me. (All this in another blog I promise) I was annoyed at peoples laughter and chatter. As I stepped out of the elevator. He was just standing there. It's hard not to miss him. Not that many black well dressed good looking men in Australia. I saw him and started to wail...not cry bloggers but wail. I feel so ashamed saying it now. But seeing him was like as if God had sent an Angel to say everything was going to be alright. I looked at him and took it all in and when I reached out to hug him I was so sure he was going to disappear.

I love his bald head. I would love to lightly run my perfectly french manicured nails across his shapely head and down his chocolate neck and back up again. I love the fact that his Hugo Boss suits fit him so well. Tailored to fit each athletic thigh, hug his tapered waist while his Jacket hangs effortlessly loose and comfortable off his 6 foot 3 frame. When he reaches for me I can see the bulge of his biceps straining against the soft fabric and his crisp white shirt crackles as if electrified by being so close to that steely carriage. I close my eyes to breathe in his Issey Miyake signature scent transporting the images of he and I to an island far from here. His LL Cool J style lips almost made me lose focus of what he was saying but his hazel eyes with those little specks of gold hypnotized me, willing me to stay focused. All I hear are the words "I have moved to live in Australia, Melbourne to be specific." They say God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh... On Friday I believed it. I had stopped crying but I was unsure of what that meant. For years I have been trying to replace this man with men not even worthy to take his place and now that he is here I only want him to resume his place.

Oh ladies and gentleman summer's heat is nearly here and its light breeze has blown into Melbourne the city of sin bringing with it the sweet torturous return of Black 007. Whoooooosh!! I am in so much won't believe the week I have had with this man, I feel so tired but there is so much to share.I am so grateful that this blog idea came up now because who else would I share with so candidly? So I ask blogsville before I leave how do you deal with your past? I need to go now I can smell a beautiful dinner wafting upstairs. Can't disappoint the Chef now? Until next time bloggers...

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Questions 2  

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Today's post is about answering the second part of the questions we were tagged in. Sorry Mona its coming late. Im currently in paris and its been hectic. I have so much to tell, but thats for the next post.. very very soon. dont let me start spilling. Fortunately for me, im in this boring seminar about colour analysis and body types.... like i need more info for my clients, so im blogging away while some size zero b***h is blabbing (im sorry, i hate her. we've clashed before on a seminar like this). Anyway, where was i? yeah, questions! Happy reading!

36. Are you a beach, country or city person
Definitely City: i love my New york... ok maybe the beach when in love...

37. Best vacation spot you’ve been to?
have you ever tried Morocco?

38. Have you ever had a “secret affair?”
Numerous times.... the more secretive, the more interesting, trust me

39. If you could own a non-traditional pet which would it be?
Maybe a lion

40. Favorite show as a child?
Sesame street

41. Where do you spend most of your money?
Saks, Barneys and Vintage and thrift stores in Europe

42. Are you currently working at a job that you hate?
Yes and No.... complicated

43. Have you ever been so heart broken that you called in sick to work?
Yes, for 2 weeks..... lied i had an operation

44. Favorite summer drink?
Iced tea

45. Can you change a car tire?
Hell yeah

46. Favorite cologne / perfume?
Givenchy, very irresistible

47. Favorite candle scent?
lavender (Mona and i r so alike)

48. Would you consider yourself adventurous?
does it involve wearing over 4 inches heel on a rainy day, then yes

49. What is your My Space profile song?
Not into social networking. i meet enuf people as it is. Blogging is my first

50. Favorite concert attended?
R Kelly

51. Would you date an already attached man / woman?
Been there, done that. its bad right?

52. Would you sing Karaoke in front of co-workers?
Yea, alcohol induced though

53. Can you shoot pool?

54. Do you like your siblings’ significant others?
One brother and his boyfriend.... hes cool, he does my hair so y not?

55. Can you drive a stick?
Nope. never!

56. Did you wear white at your wedding?
Single and proud. dont think i will tho

57. Have you ever sat and hoped for a phone call?
WHen i was naive

58. Ever skip school and spend the day at the beach?
Skipped school for parties...... teenage wild years

59. Favorite TV show/s?
ANTM, Project runway, Prison break, ugly betty, Sex and the city, brothers and sisters, friends....

60. What do you think about gay marriage?

62. what are you waiting for at the movies?
Nothing really. maybe a movie with wentworth miller naked

63. What is your favorite holiday?

64. Describe your fighting style: drunken master or angry monkey?
i dont think i have one

65. Piercing?
a few too many....imgaine the places.... guys love it!

66. Tattoos?
No, im kinda not into it.

67. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Hmmm... too many choices. probably victorias secret

68. Thongs? yes or no.

69. Write 2 truths and 1 lie.
- I have once had a threesome
I never wear flat shoes
I am addicted to coffee

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Mona's questions answered!!  

Monday, 8 September 2008

City Girl and I were recently tagged by our fellow blogger, Mona to answer a few questions. It has taken us a bit of time....Sorry Mona!! City Girl and I spent a few hours over the phone until we decided we would halve the questions (we hope that's allowed?)LOL. Anyway happy reading!

1. What’s worse - Physical or Mental cheating?
Physical! I catch you …you will never look in the mirror without looking behind you.

2. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
It’s easier to forgive and forget if you do not know someone well but if its someone who I love that has wronged me…eish its pressure for them to get in the good books again!

3. Can men and women be “Just Friends?”
If one is uglier than the other or gay…yes…LOL Its possible if people are honest about their intentions from day one

4. Dating co-workers?
Mona said never but I can’t say never…what if I work with Tyson Beckford one day?

5. All expenses paid vacation to anywhere?
South of France

6. On the way to the electric chair - What’s your last meal?
A good merlot with steak, creamy mushroom sauce and crispy chunky hot chips. Oh and dessert a nice baileys cheesecake.

7. Water parks are…?
Are great for 40 degree days!

8. When you are “In Love” do you notice other people?
What other people, if he aint will smith, denzel, Tyson Beckford….are you getting the drft??

9. Is flirting cheating?
Flirting is relative these days… so I would need to see what the other person terms as flirting

10. Would you rather have 1 great friend or 5 pals?
1 great friend.

11. If someone called you a bitch would you be offended?
Depends on who it is...

12. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?
Again relative because some ex’s are ok others are like a danger to leave your man in the same country with let alone room.

13. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
No, that’s giving the milk away for free when they should be considering buying the cow

14. Favorite sport?
football, running

15. Is toilet paper hung over or under?

16. Do you squeeze toothpaste from the middle or end of the tube?

17. How do you feel about tanning booths?
I am black so I don’t need to feel anything.

18. Friends with benefits?
Its good for short term but once over the 3 month mark you might as well be dating each other

19. Do you believe in angels?

20. Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures?
Take, any day

21. Have you ever flirted with someone you had no interest in?
Well yes, I needed something at the time

22. Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
Yes….. blushing…. Alcohol induced of course!

23. Would you buy bootleg merchandise?
You can not say you are black and have never bootlegged….its survivor mentality. What you can not get for free we will bootlegg

24. What color looks best on you?
Purple, red, black, white, gold and silver

25. If you could play any sport professionally what would it be?
Basketball but I can’t play it for real

26. Ever break up with someone and regret it?
Yes one time and tried to correct it and then I regretted trying to correct that

27. Are you a jealous person?
Again it depends on how I feel about you.

28. Would you ever have plastic surgery?

29. When do you want to get married?
Is it by force? Whenever!

30. Who has the sexiest accents?
Spanish, French, Scottish, irsih

31. Next concert you’re attending?
Alicia Keys and Snoop Dog if they let him in the country this time!

32. Favorite song?
He loves me- Jill Scott

33. Favorite movie?
Ah too many but I love the Usual suspects

34. What’s your occupation?
Currently Legal Research assistant

35. What’s your sign?


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Ghost from the past  

Friday, 5 September 2008

I am going to Paris on Monday. I should be excited right? cuz its for a fashion event and the who's who in the fashion industry will be there. A lot of people want this opportunity and will do anything for it. Unfortunately, i am not excited. 2 years ago, yes! i'd be jumping up and down, rushing home to pack. Now, i wish i was not chosen. I'll tell you why. Before i do that, i read some comments about how fab my job is. Ok, i admit, its really glamorous and fab, you get to meet fashion designers, celebrities, models and important clients and also get a lot of free stuff which to to the outside eye, looks perfect. Trust me, im a black girl, size us 6, who constantly has to deal with racist motherfuckers and size 0 models, persuading them to let you dress them. The pay is excellent, the contacts are great but the harshness, the tears, the stress, are another battle. As time goes on, i'd share the good and the bad times of my job. One of the perks is i get to go for fashion events. Hence, this annual Paris event by a famous designer (sorry confidentiality agreement at work, cant mention his name). We r flying first class, staying at a 5 star hotel, good service, u name it. Still i am sad at going. This is due to a senior consultant in our Paris office. His name is Christian. I confess here, ive been very wild. When i broke up with Akin, i threw caution in the wind and got pressured with work and started hanging out with a different crowd, had wild fun, used guys and all. It was on one of these wild ocassions that Christian came to NY. He's french and he's a senior consultant under my division. He's HOT! seriously. i never had a flair for white guys but he's different. Im getting horny just typing about One thing led to another and we had a week long of great sex with no commitment. As per the sex, i have no regrets. we never broke it off. I flew to Paris a couple of times and he came to NY to see me. Our affair was great esp the phone sex aspect. After a couple of months, i got tired of him and i never told him why i cut all contacts. I avoided him when he came to NY and when i went to Paris. He still wants me and i think i secretly still do. C'mon dont judge me :). Now i ve new guy (NG), who i'd be gisting u about soon and i never told NG my past, he doesnt have to know, does he? and even though we are not totally exclusive, i dont want to cheat on him.... It will be hard cuz temptation!!!!! Chris is so romantic.... (drooling). I cant avoid Chris at the event cuz only 3 people get to go from my office and he's one of the group. He emailed me yesterday to tell me he was looking forward to the event esp, to seeing me.
Now see why im not looking forward to the trip. I cant tell my manager im not going, whats my excuse? Its a career booster. I need advice on how to resist Chris, maybe i should tell NG and that may make matters easier, cuz if i know he's aware, i'd be very careful. Ive told Chris im in a rship but he' french, cant be bothered! what will u do if u were in my shoes?

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The afternoon delight and Devil Wears Prada  

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Hi bloggers after calming myself down with the assistance of City girl I have now returned to give you some more insight into this crazy life of mine down under. Unlike City girl my job is relatively boring. I work as a legal research assistant for a boutique law firm based in Melbourne's central business district. It already sounds boring right? Well it would be if you did not know what went on in the hallowed halls of D & D associates. My immediate boss Ms. DWP (Devil Wears Prada) wears the latest and only the most expensive outfits to work, her Christian Louboutin sky scraper stilettos are surely a health and safety code violation nine times over, her Chanel perfume is so strong you know whether she has just entered, is about to enter or has just left a room by the sstrength of the scent. She has her hair appointments every Friday at 3pm and her full spa session at 4pm on a Monday. I pity her secretaries and I am eternally grateful I only need to see her 3 times in a week or when I am required. My job is to research legislation, facts about clients and the other side that is relevant to the case. I am like a detective but better paid and if I might say better dressed. Now today was a funny day as it turns out Ms. DWP has just fired her 2nd Secretary (she has three in total, do not ask me why) Anyway Secretary 2 was fired today, her offence you may ask? Well to the outsider it was a simple case. It would seem that Secretary 2 was caught blogging about her boss and some clients! LOL If I had known about this blog I would have been a contributor (don't worry bloggers, I am hoping that the Blog has not been deleted because we can all delight in reading the blog post link from here.) Unlike Secretary 2 I do not stupidly blog at work. Our computers are regularly checked for "illegal downloads, unsavoury folders or files or any like documents potentially harmful to the privacy of the firm and its clients" or so says the contract we all signed when we started.
As Ms.DWP is currently sleeping with the head IT manager who also happens to be....wait for it....drum roll..... Secretary 2's fiancee it was only a matter of time before she was going to be caught out. I hear Secretary 2 is planning on suing the firm for invasion of privacy but believe me she might as well give up now. Her boss has her job, her man and will have her dignity if she goes down that path, tha woman is quite ruthless. Now you may wonder how I know about Ms.DWP and her boy toy aka afternoon delight. I do not know what is with people these days and the lack of professionalism they show. Two weeks ago we had after work drinks to celebrate a recent highly publicised court win and Ms.DWP feeling particularly jovial and generous invited us to her house for more drinks. Now normally invitations like these I would respectfully decline but as I am currently angling for a promotion getting into Ms.DWP's good books was important. So I attended, besides I have a little crush on Ms.DWP's younger brother who lives with her....make the most of every opportunity I say! Now Ms.DWP got quite hammered on Grand Mimosa's and I became her new best friend. She told me more than I needed to know like the places they had made love in all over the office like the photocopier room, the kitchen (eeeeew), the conference room...etc etc (I am so taking anti-bacterial spray and wipes to work tomorrow). She also told me the people she intended to fire this year (thankfully I was not on the list). Now the day after she took a week off work and returned this week to fire Secretary 2 and some other employees based in Sydney. I approached her today to discuss my promotion which had been hanging in the balance for the last 3 months, it had been dangled over my head to make sure I continued working the sweat shop hours I currently work. Today was my appointment to discuss my promotion and do you know what this woman said to me? After working for 3 years for this firm, Monday sometimes through to Saturday, covering for people who were late, absent, quit, got fired without complaining once, never been sick or late either. She HAS THE AUDACITY to advise me that "You are still a bit young to handle the very difficult position of head researcher as it requires a certain level of experience and professionalism which I think you need to work on for a few more months." Now bloggers I was speechless, I tried to point out that I had effectively held that position unofficially for the last six months as the head researcher had suddenly quit and they had not replaced him in all that time. Who did she think had been running things? Now I feel knowledge is power bloggsville, should I use my knowledge? Fraternising with fellow employees is not looked favourably upon at our office and in fact I can say that unofficially it is not allowed. So what should I do? I deserve this promotion and I can see that this woman does not listen to reason.....

As per City Girl, I hope Akin has decided to see the light now and maybe her and I can now focus on this problem at hand. I am not a Naija babe but I can invoke some of that Naija strength she has in her. Till next time bloggers.....

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Tuesday, 2 September 2008

" I want us to get back together"......... Akin said as soon as i met him at the starbucks near my office 2 weeks ago. Ok, let me give you his background. He was one one of the first people i met when i got transferred to New york from the Boston office five years ago. We got really close and eventually we started going out. I loved him a lot. I was 21 then, in a new city and in a career where everyone was a snob. He treated me right, made me feel less lonely and i adored him. Besides, he was 25 and was an investment banker on wall street. We dated for three years, even got close to being engaged. He left me for a girl he met at one of my company's fashion shows: a fellow nigerian. I was heartbroken, and threw myself in my work. We stopped talking and the last time i heard from him was a year ago when i ran into him at the annual office party. You can imagine my surprise when he started calling my house, office and stalking me till i agreed to have 5 mins coffee with him on a lunch break that fateful thursday.
I was stunned. He further explained that he made a mistake cuz he felt i pushed him away while we were dating. Can you imagine? He knew my nature of work. I am an image consultant and i work with fashion companies to dress up their clients, update them on the trends and sometimes attend fashion shows all around the world. He was supportive and said thats what he loved most about me, the fact that i took him out of the boring finance world whenever we were together. His story was the girl, Michelle, dumped him cuz she felt he was too boring. This made him realise that i was the one for him and if only i could give him another chance to prove that we can still make it work. He still loved me, bla bla bla......
I had dreamt of this moment, a time he'd want me back. I'd imagined ill be excited cuz honestly i kinda still love him. Now im confused. I just started seeing this guy, though he's not Nigerian and he's been good to me. I dont want to get hurt by Akin again. Am i a rebound? if things had worked out with Michelle, would he have come back?
All these thoughts were in my head when i looked tearfully at him, telling him No, i'd moved on. The moment i said it, i realised that i'd indeed moved on.
How do i stop him from harrassing me with his constant apologies, letters, emails, flowers and expensive gifts? Oh well, ive been enjoying the Balanciega bag he sent me on last friday.

P:s: im loving here already. everyone's blog is so different..... don't regret accepting bondgirl's invite.

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An Introduction  

Monday, 1 September 2008

I met bondgirl when i was 5 years old, our fathers worked for the same company. we became best friends and were separated at age 7. She moved to australia, and i moved to Nigeria. We never stopped being friends........ years later, i moved to the UK. We r the definition of best friends. Always been there for each other and never cared about the distance. When she sold me the idea of us creating a blog together to unleash our views, pains, experiences and general life issues anonymously, i was glad. we have been through a lot together and its time we let other people in. Welcome to our world. I currently shuttle between the US and the UK, while bond girl stays in melbourne. The funny thing about our friendship is we have not seen each other since we were 7, yet we can account for every second of each other's lives. This blog is kind of a self discovery and stability. we give and seek advice from more experienced people, share our pains and pleasures...... hopefully, y'all wil enjoy our blog as much as we r thrilled to be here. I have to go, my phone's ringing.... its bond girl who i guess is calling me to update me on her evening with L

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Rule number 1 for any girl...let alone a bond girl..  

I can not believe I broke rule number 1, I thought last night as I stamped my frozen clad feet on the pavement in nothing but a pair of dainty sky high, black gladiator style stiletto's. I knew it, I just knew it. I was fuming, you might ask why any self respecting female over the age of 21 would be standing at a taxi rank with no taxi's located on a dark street, save for the fluorescent street light flickering over head in a neighbourhood she was not familiar with and wearing under her coat a flimsy black cocktail dress. It all started when I broke rule number 1. My on/off man friend shall we call him had requested I appear as his date to some fancy cocktail party hosted by one of his flashy friends in Melbourne's social scene at some place I had never heard of. When... lets call him Lucifer shall we? called me on Thursday night I knew that even saying the word yes was dangerous. It went something like this:

BG: " Hi Lu, hows tricks?"
L: "Nothing doing babe, just this and that"
(L never answered a question specifically it was always in general terms...ask him how he was and he would reply...."oh not mad not sad" Anyway I digress...)
BG: I wait, he rang he should speak next... silence for 2 minutes at which point I realise he is brushing his teeth. "Ah, Lu" I say impatiently "What is it that you wanted?"
L: finishes brushing his teeth, spits, gargles and then says "You...babe...only you..."
BG: At this point I sigh and look outside my kitchen window to see a young kid of about 13 with a G UNIT tracksuit breaking and entering into my neighbours car. I didn't yell...the man is a racist...deserves to get his car broke into. Anyway I then turned my attention back to L.
"Look L," I begin "Life is short and time is money...I am in short supply of please"
L: Chuckles, "You always did have a sense of humour baby. Well here it is, you and me have been invited to a swanky do tomorrow night @ 9pm, Frankie's house."
BG: By now I knew L not to ask too many questions as I think he suffered from ADD the only time he focused I believed was when he was trying to get me into bed. So my window of opportunity to ask normal questions like dress code, what to bring, how many guests etc etc was limited. I stuck to asking the important ones. "So are you picking me up and what time?"
L: "no babe. cant have some stuff to take care of but let me give you an address."
I waited while he looked for the invite and when he finally found it he sounded out of breath when he came back on the phone. While I jotted down the address I realised that this must be the height of being pathetic and single because who says yes to a date the night before with her only questions being where and when? Just as I was about to go I heard L say my name in that barely there voice, that was so deep and velvety and smooth... it always made my knees weak..
"Yes L" I whimpered, fool I thought.
L: "Wear something sexy.short. something I can enjoy looking at. I've really missed you babe"
By the time I had realised he had hung up the dial tone had rung out, while my imagination had run rampant about soft butterfly kisses and....
Ok back to the reason I was standing there in the cold. L and I met up all right and the party was great. I looked great, he looked divine. He looked better than the chocolate fudge sauce they put on top of the ice cream on top of pancakes....divine I tell you. We were inseparable. He introduced me to all his friends and commented on how I was the most outstanding woman at the party. 20 minutes into the party I was ready to drag him home with me. However 6 hours later at 3am we stumbled out of the house with his three best mates, all of us high in spirits or more precisely high on Makers Mark. Leaving the party I assumed that he and I would go on to my place (his was an absolute tip and I swear last time I slept there I had to see the doctor soon after about some weird skin thing on my arm). However his best mate of the group and the drunkest one had lost his keys so as a favour the boys decide that they would help carry him the 2 or 3 blocks to his house and help him break in. I with my heels was not having it and thought L after seeing my protestations would break rank and let the other two haul his drunken mate home. Instead L comes over to me and wraps his strong, warm body around mine and in between the sweetest of tender kisses he says..."Babe...(kiss) wont take (kiss) long to (kiss) drop him off....(kiss) ok....(longer kiss). I like a deaf mute first nodded my head up and down for a few seconds, then realising he required actual words to proceed, told him I would wait for him at the taxi rank across the street but he would have to promise to be back within the half hour. And bloggers you know what this sexy, tall, chocolate, divine being said to me? From those full succulent lips, shining slightly from my cocoa icing lip gloss kisses he said..."TRUST ME'... and I upon hearing those words like the drunken fool I was, smiled and walked to the taxi rank. Number 1 rule of the Bond Girl or anyone else for that matter never trust anyone let alone a man who says trust me. TRUST is implied, there is no need to make it explicit and put it out there. Trust me had me waiting next to this taxi rank in the cold for 1-1/2 hrs.... TRUST ME he had said. When a taxi did finally arrive at the rank, I took one long look down the darkened street for any signs of life , I saw nothing except for the street sweeper making its way noisily down the street. I wiped icy tears from my eyes and climbed in. When I got home I went straight to bed, switching my mobile off dare he should ring. Knowing he would not. I woke up this morning bloggers and switched my phone on to hear this message from L with the bass of his velvety voice running through me,
"Hey babe, lovely night last night. Dropped Cam off finally but the boys asked me to stay for a few at the pub round the corner. I figured you would have gone anyway. You know how those boys are can't trust them! Anyway any chance I can drop by today....maybe we can poker. Call me."

I threw my phone against the wall after i had replayed the message about 10 more times..... TRUST ME, I won't be calling him tonight, my phone is broken now isn't it? Which is a bit of a problem because I still need to call city girl.....

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