She's leaving on a jet plane to come and put back the F U in FUN!  

Thursday, 26 February 2009

I have to love blogville...the minute I mentioned big news you all ran to marriage and pregnancy. I feel kind of bad letting you all down with the news that there is no marriage or babies on the way! Unfortunately the news I have is reunion related...bigger than a Destiny's Child Reunion! Now you all know bloggers that CG and I have not seen each other since we were young kids but have managed to maintain a friendship across the seas and due to CG's work schedule which has never ever coincided with my holiday plans and vice versa we have always managed to miss opportunities to meet up. In the mean time though our parents, siblings, friends and in my case boyfriend have managed to rack up enough frequent flyer miles to visit the other. CG's brother stayed with me for 6 months 2 years ago when he schooled here, her parents and mine have gone on two cruises together, When Black left Australia to work in the States first person he looked up was CG.

Tomorrow though its all going to change. Tomorrow my girl CG is flying in. I have my place hoovered, dusted, stocked with food and alcohol like I am preparing for war. AND that's what it is... war on Melbourne nightlife! CG AND BG in the same city again....what you know bout FUN? She's packed her designer what not's and is currently in the air somewhere ready to land @ 7am. Granted she is coming to do some work for department store Myer for a month but her work schedule will be quite light compared to the minimum 16 hour days she pulls when she's in the States or Europe. When she told me about it last week I thought she was joking...a whole month..CG and I? Ooooh lawd....let the fun begin! Black is already rescheduling dates we had planned and organising boys nights out...he knows the drill! Yes, she is coming with the twins and leaving her man behind for a month. However she needs the break, I think she is a bit concerned about the whole MOVING IN with her man thing. I hope she doesn't tie up my phone line with her phone sex habits over

Now you have heard me mention Kiki and Lila my twin sisters. They are both 24, feisty, stubborn, outrageous, downright crazy, out spoken and daring. However they are also loving, compassionate, loyal, fashionable, smart and creative. These girls make me go crazy sometimes but I love them..truly I do...just not this week. The girls both finished degrees in Finance/Accounting. When they finished the degrees they told my parents they did not want to come home because they were interested in doing their masters. Mr parents happy their children were suggesting further education readily agreed sending them money to extend their visa's, school fees and living expenses. Over Xmas and New Year I knew they were kinda off their game because damn the holiday season was tame for them. No boys calling up, hanging huge parties or even drinking sessions. Even Lila's man Terence who was home for the holidays wasn't seen! Both of them just chilled at my apartment, hung out with family, caught up with few friends and went to the gym. THAT is unusual behaviour for my sisters....there was not one huge party they JUST HAD to go to AND there was no sneaking out and returning @ dawn. Very weird....

When they returned to NY...ish hit the fan. Lila was found out that she hadn't been to school in months nor had she been working. While Kiki had quit school and started to work to cover their living expenses. Now here comes my suspicion and I know my sisters read this hopefully they will read this and have the courage to tell me WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?? Something went down with Lila's man because he has not been mentioned in months. I saw the fool at a club the other week dancing with these girls and I asked Lila what he was a)still doing in Australia and b) why he was grinding and gyrating with a bunch of girls drunk off his face? All of a sudden she had somewhere to be. This was strange because if you think Black and I are inseparable Lila and her man Terence are..sorry I mean were like a married couple. Although Terence is not my favourite person they seemed to be going the distance after 3 years together. Black tried to talk to him to see what was up and was RUDELY told that "until he marries into the family it aint none of his business". He lucky I was holding Black back... I asked CG to investigate and Lila damn near bit her head off telling her to mind her own business, CG just gave her this look like "who do you think you are speaking to?". Although Lila apologized she still didn't spill the beans. I don't know whats up but I KNOW something is up and I WILL get to the bottom of it. I know Kiki is covering up for Lila...I know it because she is the only one who returned the school fee money back to my parents. Lila on the other hand has been very quiet on the subject when normally her ass is so vocal on everything else!

In the mean time I am off the wall crazy happy my girl is coming home and although I would have preferred better circumstances I am glad the twins are coming as well. Hopefully being around CG, Black and I will give them the confidence to say something and then when all is said and done maybe we can put back that F U in FUN....

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Questions answered by Black & BG...LONG POST ALERT  

Friday, 20 February 2009

Shona Vixen batter up...
a)What song reminds you of Black and makes you want to go and rip his clothes off?(This is a song you'll hear on your i-pod on ur way to work or something and you'll be like I'm doing him tonite!'
Black has a cd which has a triple threat on it and he normally plays it when I’m mad at him. Like yesterday I was angry at him and driving from work just about 15mins from his house, he pop’s in the triple threat Cd. It starts with Tyrese’s…On top of me, Usher‘s nice and slow, then Janet‘s Would you mind. (Those jams are my ish, I see fire when I hear them...worse if I am tipsy!) By the time Usher was singing “it‘s 7 O‘clock on the dot I‘m in my drop top cruising the streets” I was like pull over you drive, can’t even bleeding concentrate! Even then he was lucky he was not molested in the ride up to his apartment (those elevators if they had camera’s)….damn, I’m so weak…the Devil knows my first name I tell you!

b)Would you ever go back to Zambia?

I have been “advised” by Black that Zambia is our holiday destination/ emergency evacuation country when Zim or the Miz as he calls it is “under pressure”. So I would be living in Zim…. He misses his hang out joint “the Keg” I think its called.

Do you agree that the Vic Falls belongs to Zimbabwe? is to tick K off as….
I zip my mouth on this one, K and I are going shopping Saturday...over to Black:
As a young man H-Town was my play ground, St Georges boy for life and Borrowdale was my hood. So ssssshhhhh but K knows that the best views are on our side, tourism is only down because of Uncle Bob however the falls belong to Zimbabwe…we lease the rest. LOL. When she see’s I have posted this heads will roll…I officially blame you Shona! Queen BG is zipping her mouth she might lose K as her drinking buddy

a)What BG's sexiest outfit (i know all are sexy..i trust my girl) BUT what's the one that makes you want to tear it off??...LOL..
She has this purple halter neck, backless dress, form fitting, knee length she wears with these Black sky high gladiator heels. The best part of the dress is the back and not only for the obvious reasons (my baby was truly blessed in the Beyonce department). The dress is backless you can see her small tattoo of Africa on her left shoulder.

Next Batter up is Bumtight...

my questions is :
1. how long have u been dating black?
When I was 16 (the first time I met him), we dated for 4 years. Now we have been dating for 4 or 5 months I think…LOL, Black’s eyeballing me …like I need to know the exact date….mssccheeewww
2. your last biggest fight. when? what was it about?
Our last biggest fight was this week, last night to be exact. Black admitted he was wrong. It’s to do with my sisters who want to move back to Australia (they are currently living in New York). My mother won’t let them come stay with her because they have not been attending uni and generally taking the piss out of their education. So our parents said fine work if you are not in school. They were not finding jobs just partying. Now they are broke, jobless, rent is due, their lease is up and they expect to be bailed out. They were just here for Xmas and knew all this was going down and never said anything to anyone. I can’t let them stay with me because there is not enough room for them long term…but BLACK goes and tells the girls its ok they can stay in his spare room AND then said he will sort out their rent issues this month. I think its ridiculous those two were messing about and now they are being bailed out. Eish this deserves a whole post on its own. Black is just a soft touch. Me not so easy.

Disclaimer from Black: I am hoping B does not see this when I post it she was completely in the wrong but I let her think she’s right because date night is tonight….I need her in the right mood.

Miss Temite step to the plate...
Question for Black - Do you have any Brothers? Seriously! Cuz I wouldnt mind moveing to Australia or Zambia, even Antartica sef. I must have a channel bag and a man who loves me to o. and do you seriously have any faults? Seriously!
LOL. Temite I was told about you. Alas I am the only boy in the family but I do happen to have a lot of male cousins to make up for it. B always says that if things don’t work out with us she has a back up plan in the form of my cousins. So maybe you can ask her who she is eyeing…possibly at the same time passing on the info to me?

Questions for you Bondy boo - Are you in need of another little sister? I know you have the twins but.... Cuz I woudnt mind being adopted! seriously.
Ah the twins are a handful Temi! Especially this week, they are so in trouble with me its not funny. I am thinking of disowning them so you have a very good chance this week of being adopted…..mssssccccheeeew….at least you are behaved those two give me blood pressure.

Next the regal Nefertiti...

So my questions are:
* How old are you? 26
* How did you meet CG?
City girl and I met when we were 5 years old, our fathers worked for the same mining company in Zambia (ZCCM). Our families have always been joined to the hip so to speak and we were best friends until we were separated at age 7. I moved to Australia, and CG moved back to Nigeria. Then she moved to the UK and finally she now resides in the Big Apple.
* Why did you decide to live in australia?
It was my father’s decision after his contract with the mining company ended as it was being privatised . My father then decided to change professions and come to Australia and study law taking us with him.

* Where is Black from?
He’s Zambian/Zimbabwean. His mother is Zambian and his father is Zimbabwean. They first lived in Bulawayo for a few years and then to Harare. Then his father was offered a position by his company to work here in Australia.

Our Alpha male, the man amongst the beauties... Danny Bagucci

1. for Black -- what, when or where did he finally realize you were the one?
Well, Danny this is probably going to give her a big head but honestly I fell in love with her because she surprises me. When girls or guys meet her they think she cracks the whip hard and lets face it a bit of a bitch. What they don’t realise is that when you get into her heart she graces you with such unconditional love and support that you feel so comfortable being just you with her. She has a small, tight circle of friends spread out all over the world who she would die or kill for. That is no joke either. I guess I just love the duality in her, that is she can be like an angel from heaven to her loved ones but cross her path and even the Devil gets scared of riding with her. I realised she’s the one for me last year while I was in New York actually. I knew I loved her but didn’t know I could not live without her until we were apart. Sounds really sad but God knows its true.

2. Do you ever think about heading back to Africa eventually on a long term basis??
Madam and I share this dream in particular. I always say that “from the red soil we came, from the red soil we shall return for our souls reside in Africa though our bodies travel the world”. Its imperative that the African diaspora realises and really follows through with its legacy of building a greater Africa. Ok I have to stop there B is shaking her head at me in that don’t you get started on your call to progress on her blog,

Last but surely not blogger...2Hawt
your job sounds really did you get into it?
I am a legal researcher, interesting at times boring at others. City Girl’s job as a fashion stylist/consultant/ advisor is more glamorous and pays WAY better than mine…the only time that I have ever seen a Jimmy Choo is when she sent a pair for my birthday last year. I got into my job because my father is a lawyer and I grew up loving the law and always researching, reading, debating, politics. So the legal field just felt right for me. Although I am qualified to practise law, I do not…the only 2 lawyers I trust and think that have a soul are Black and my father.

What do you do for fun?

Swimming in the summer is my ish. I could live at the beach and it’s a good thing my parents have a beach house. I love watching football (fav team Manchester United). I love reading, writing, blogging, going out for dinners, SHOPPING!!! Especially shoes…the higher the better! I’m not a club girl but used to be…I only miss it now for the sake of dancing. Case in point last week I dragged Black to the club in order to hear that new JT song. I love going to museums, art gallery openings, poetry and jazz nights.

That's it folks see you next the mean time if you are going to be naughty be nice as well....

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The Valentine's weekend  

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Hey guys, did you have fun yesterday? In the spirit of love, i decided to finally talk to my brother. I invited him for a Valentine's day dinner at my house with my boyfriend, D.J (im realising this is the first time im mentioning his alias) and i told him he could bring a date.
I realized it was time i embraced his coming out, even though i had to find out at a bar, and try to mend things between us. Did i tell u guys i stopped picking up his calls, i refused to see him. He tried to get to me through D.J but i just couldnt handle talking to him.

Anyway, D.J cooked and four of us sat down to dinner. I must say that man can cook! My brother came with his date, and from what he said, they had been dating for 3 weeks. They seemed happy and i guess i'd just have to get used to seeing my lil brother with a man......... gosh!!!!!!!!!!!
Thankfully, dinner went well, i got hair tips from my brother's boyfriend (doesnt even sound right) and a date to go shopping with him. I must say, i have nothing against gays.... i have a close friend here thats gay. Guess its cuz i never saw this coming, hence the shock. We all got along well and im so glad for BG, Black and D.J's support through it all.

After dinner, it was time for D.J and i's proper valentine celebration. I like my baby so much, he got me a tiffany necklace that ive been lusting after, a personalized build a bear hello kitty and yep, no Vals day is complete without a cake for me....... Thankfully, i got him what i can see he appreciated.... 3 different Wii games (what is it with men and their toys!), and an initialized bracelet..... And no, im not telling u what went on at night.
He was romantic all weekend and took me for an early breakfast today. He kept telling me how much he loved me, but i can bring myself to still say it....... i think im ready to say it back.... how do i say it back? im glad he's been understanding so far.... though the moving in issue is still hanging in the air

Have a great week guys and as BG said, something huge is in the air..... so wait for it

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Black don't do Valentine's Day  

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Its funny that of all the things that Black would choose not to celebrate Valentine's Day is the last one that most people would guess. He has a serious dislike for it. Me I'm easy either V day or yay V day don't really care. All day today people have been asking me "What are you and Black doing?, So is Black planning something big?". Then see their faces change in shock when I roll my eyes and say in a monotone voice, "We are doing nothing, Black is planning nothing because he does not celebrate Valentines Day". Somehow no one believes me. Everyone see's me as the hard Biatch who has probably told Black to not plan anything but seriously Blogville it's not me! You might ask why this man is not big on Valentines Day well according to Black he loves me every other day so what is he meant to do on the 14th of me to death? His reasoning not mine. So if you guys were expecting a mushy lovey dovey love fest featuring Black and I'm sorry to disappoint, the only thing extra I'm getting is in the boudoir.... Maybe City Girl might have something going on...I pray she does because otherwise there will only be dry gist here for you guys...

Random side track
: Erm where have I been apparently Chris Brown did a Bobby Brown on the Barbados princess? Wait a second I need to tell Black because he is in love with that girl even with her big forehead! ....Alright I'm back....Um yeah Chris Brown if you meet Black anywhere in the near future my advice is Run It Run IT!

Fire news
: Ok back to the post and this life of ours. Black and I are hosting a Bush Fire party to raise funds for our friends who have lost their homes in the bush fires. It is really sad, Black's secretary lost her home and still came into work the next day because she didn't want to let him down. So much love goes to SIRIUS who came to see if we were still alive! Thanks SIRIUS babe!!!!!!!!!

I'm asking all our peoples to ask me any question you have ever wanted to know about Me, my life, Black (I might even get him to answer some questions) for the next post and the post after that BIG NEWS PEOPLE....BIG NEWS!!! And no you can not ask what the big news is going to be....LOL

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Bond Girls lessons in Wedding Etiquette...  

Sunday, 1 February 2009

One of my female friends Audrey got engaged last year to her boyfriend of 5 years and they were supposed to be joined in marital bliss this past Saturday. Alas they canceled the wedding two weeks ago. The story goes that Audrey refused to down size the wedding even though her Fiancee Rueben could no longer afford half of her extravagant demands. I was actually quite touched (slang=hurt) that Ru as I call him was denying his bride the day of her dreams until I heard the requests. So he could no longer afford to transport the bridal party and V.I.P guests in chauffeur driven Rolls Royce and instead had organised the bridal party to ride in HIS 300C Chyrsler and the V.I.P driven in his friends assorted luxury cars (all black). Instead of having the Park Hyatt Hotel cater he wanted to get his client's brothers catering company which serves to exclusive clients anyway for a lesser price. Furthermore instead of his guest each getting an inscribed watch for the men and bracelets for the women he organised a free weekend spa for the ladies and grand prix tickets for the men again via the courtesy of his client's. The things that remained the same were the number of people invited, the dress (although he got his suit at discount), the number of brides maids and grooms men.

Audrey aka bridezilla called me moaning and crying that her wedding was not going to be the same blah blah blah. I'm sorry but I had no sympathy for her people. Ru could have postponed the wedding all together because of the financial climate we are in and instead he decided to use his connections to get a cost effective wedding and HER issue is she can't claim her wedding was the most expensive amongst all her friends? My other issue with this women was that she had a wedding register now unlike your normal register this woman organised her wedding register to have a his and hers thing. The ladies had to buy gifts for her and the male guests had to buy gifts for the groom. Now I looked at Ru's register and was envious of Black because Ru was not asking for expensive things. This chick goes and registers half of her gifts at Tiffany's and Swarovsky! Do I look like I have money to buy YOU a dining set or even glasses at either of those places? In any case I ended up buying her a glass set swiped on my credit card (I refuse to name the amount all I can say is I could have bought a pair of Jimmy Choo's). Now this woman also requested we send the gifts by a certain date to her mother's house as they would not be accepting gifts at the church or reception.

In any case the wedding did not go ahead so I called her to ask for my gift back and she point blank refuses saying it was given as a gift. I told her yes that it was given as a gift ...a wedding gift...her ass was not married was she? Because she did not have a bleeding wedding. Meanwhile back at the ranch...Ru has already returned all his gifts back with a note of apology and an invitation to his house for dinner. Anyway rather than fighting with Audrey I took Black with me and went to her mother's house to collect my gift and while I was there collected two other friends gifts who had also called to get their gifts back. Her own mother said that she was not telling her daughter that she was returning the gifts because she was too materialistic and would not return those gifts on her own.

Anyway knowing that she was in the wrong Audrey starts talking a whole bunch of nonsense at a party that Black and I were both at about how I and those friends who had gone to get their gifts back had stole her wedding gifts. I confronted her and told her that if she thought a crime of theft had occurred she should contact the police rather than spreading rumours about people. I also told her stupid ass I would sue her for slander because we were at a party where not only Black had clients but I had people who I worked with there and would not stand for my character to be assassinated.

My question to blogville what is wedding etiquette when it comes to gifts and weddings that either don't go ahead or end so soon after the celebration. May I also point out I unlike a lot of other people did not ask her for the return of the engagement gift she received from me last year.

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