Tuesday, 14 April 2009
I was almost certain that CG had taken the fun with her. It was so quiet in my apartment I could almost hear every sound that my surrounding neighbours made. The twins had moved out of Black's apartment in the city to the suburbs nearer to our parents and a good hour drive away from me. Black had so much work on his plate he hardly was ever around and almost always half asleep or not speaking when he was around.
So you can imagine the joy my little heart experienced when my sister Kiki (half of the crazy twins) came over on Saturday night to hang out. Kiki is the responsible and sensible one mostly when she's not being influenced by Lila. Anyway after 2 more glasses of the third bottle of wine Kiki blurted out "I'm seeing this guy,I really like him, don't lecture me about sex please. My issue is that he has more bedroom experience than I and I want to improve my game before I sleep with him. I need tips."
I knew Kiki was sexually conservative to an extent. When CG, Lila, Skittles and I were talking of sexual positions we enjoyed she left the room so embarrassed. I'm a firm believer in knowing what you are getting into and researching the hell out of a topic to get the most out of the learning experience. I brought my assorted things in my sex box from underneath the dungeons of my bed. Without missing a beat or blinking an eye lid at the fact that I kept a sex box underneath my bed Kiki simply brought out her marker and was taking notes and stapled together the photocopied pages I gave her to make into a booklet as a reference guide. So I found myself bonding with my little sister on a Saturday night finding out what positions she knew, liked, disliked, was good at and needed to work on. By 11pm she was pretty sure she had everything she needed and I called her a cab to take her home. On her way out Black arrived from a boys night out not giving me any time to clear up the box. The minute he walked in and saw the box I explained to him about Kiki and from nowhere he got so mad. I knew he was very protective of her but combine concern and a tipsy man...you get foolish drama.
Black: Seriously? WTF? She's like 24 why would you show her those things? You should be teaching her about abstaining for goodness sake.
BG: Abstaining in which house? Do you see hypocrite on my forehead ehn? I have a stripper pole in the middle of my bedroom mate!
Black: Oh now you are making a mockery out of this. All I'm saying is if she was my little sister I would not be bringing the handcuffs and lubrication out & talking about rodeo positions...
BG: But she's not your sister & she did not come in here asking for my judgment. She wanted tips. If little things Ive learned like being able to get honey off a banana without leaving bite marks can be used to help her head game so be it.
Black: BG be serious for two seconds please. You and CG run around on your sexual mature revolution tip and promote things like booty calls, one night stands and sexing like a man but pushing this on to Ki...ah mehn..come on now!
BG: Sorry where the FCUK did we just go in this convo? Are we not just discussing the morality of giving a 24yr old woman sex tips? Then you go say CG and I are what? Are you insinuating we are promiscuous...what the hell Black?
Black: I'm going to bed, this is escalating into something else...
BG: Going to bed where? You want to pontificate about morals and then you as unwed to me as you are want to climb into my bed and sleep in my sheets? Then feel up on me in the middle of the night? Not tonight Papi! Either you explain that shit you just said or get to stepping.
BG: Is Ashton Kutcher here somewhere...do I look like I'm joking heh?
Black: Look all I'm saying is your attitude and CG's attitude to sex and relationships are different to Kiki's. I mean come on you and CG think its funny that she realised she loved her boyfriend after nearly having a one night stand with a guy with a small dick. That shit is not right!
BG: Again I do not see the correlation here Black. She came here asking to get some notes on my sexual experience...experience might I add Mr. High and mighty, Mr. Can-I-have-a-pole-dance-tonight-please that YOU have greatly benefited from.
Black: This is not about us this is about you giving tips to a girl who before this was happy being oblivious to BG's sex 101 class
BG: Eh? anh anh...now you have jokes ehe? Ah my friend be careful of this road you are persisting on traveling on....mssscheeeeew. This is about you Black and whatever crap you have been holding onto.
Anyway we went on like this for another hour until we touched upon the real issue of the matter. Black has a guilty conscience DJ being his friend and CG's BF he feels like he's lying to his friend when DJ and him talk. He also was not happy with my so called part in allowing CG to go on dates while she was here (he says allow like I can stop a grown woman like CG). So Bloggers for the last two weeks I do not know where this relationship of mine has been. We are barely civil to each other right now and fighting about what I no longer know. Help...