The Adventures of Two City Girls

I promised this post for Tigeress who wanted some more insight into my friend Skittles situation. Just a reminder where I introduced her in my last post

I love Skittles she's fun, vivacious, loves colour and life to the fullest. The only area that I wish she would change is her man situation. She has been living with her man TT for 5years. He shows no sign of commitment (he still introduces her to peeps as his "boo thang" )...yeah uh huh...she's 28 years old and does not need a 30 year old referring to her in juvenile terms

You might know a guy like Skittles boyfriend he is in no way a bad guy. He is quite sweet, loving, respectful, appreciative and attentive as far as boyfriend's go. The sticking point in their relationship is his inability to show commitment that moves the relationship forward. In all relationship's you always come to a point in deciding whether you can no longer be where you are at or whether you continue on to the next stage. Stagnant relationships make for unhappy people. It doesn't even apply to just boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, it also applies to friends, ex's, jobs etc. In this case Skittle's and TT have been together for 11 years in total. After 5 years they came to the point of moving in together. Now they are in this stagnant place where she wants marriage and he wants to hold off for a while longer. When she presses him for how much longer she will have to wait he shrugs, is silent or gets angry and tells her to stop nagging him.

Everyone from my mother, her mother to CG, me and to Black himself have told her to put her foot down and request that he put the ring on it. Skittles greatest reason for hesitation was being unsure of TT's response. If she did say its the ring or the end she honestly felt that he would turn around and surprise her by ending the relationship. However she could not go forward and she could not go backward. While she was here, Skittles mind was clearly elsewhere. After bugging her for days finally she admitted to what was worrying her. She was pregnant and had just found out before traveling .You can imagine my shock. CG nearly choked on her wine and Black looked up at the ceiling. Anyway she had already decided to keep the baby and wanted to tell TT the good news. She was very optimistic that this was a sign and it would be the push their relationship needed. When she returned home this week she told TT the news and he went ballistic. He Accused her of trying to trap him (after 11yrs she tries to trap you now?...erm ok)and forcing him into marriage so soon (soon? the man is 30, they own the home they live in and he has a regular high income). I'm sure TT is just freaked out and needs time to comprehend this new development but their situation got me thinking. What was once an issue about choice or decision is now about responsibility and obligation...two words that can kill romance so quick that you will get dizzy.

Like I said although this is a relationship problem this can occur in anyone's relationship. If you are in a job that no longer makes you happy or a friend that no longer provides you with the friendship you require or want you feel suffocated in no man's land waiting for to something to change the situation. If you have an ex that you go back and forth with and always seem to return to the same place again that going nowhere situation will always leave you unhappy, unsure and dissatisfied. Don't let something decide for you what you HAVE to do, make the choice and decide what you WANT and NEED to do.

One of the most eye opening books is Iyanla Vanzant's book In the meantime. Ms Vanzant speak the truth by pointing out that a lot of us are "In the meantime" i.e “When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime.”

People in the meantime:
• You know what is wrong with your ex-lover yet still get drawn in with his/her issues
• You are crying for no apparent reason, and you do not want anyone to know you are crying.
• You have been fired or laid off.
• You are separated or recently divorced.
• You haven’t had any dates in the last nine months.
• You are not married but have been sharing toothpaste and closet space and still aren’t sure this is what you want to be doing.
• You are not married, do not share toothpaste, and have given up on dating.

And here is what is probably going through your mind:
Don't know why I can't go. Don't know why I should stay. Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how I am going to get there, wherever there is.

Well Bond Girl likes to keep it light in her posts but this one is serious and close to her heart so what does Blogville think? Am I right is it best to make the hard decision to let go before something happens and its made for you?

Having not seen Black this whole week it was kind of a thrill to be able to call him to make plans about our weekend rendezvous. We both normally finish quite late on a Friday but I actually managed to leave work by midday (when I’m on a mission I can finish a pile of work so quickly it will make my own head spin) and Black had shuffled his day around to be able to leave by 6pm. By 1pm I was at Crown Spa Complex getting myself waxed, plucked, manicured, pedicured, scrubbed, painted, massaged and lathered up with vanilla mousse lotion. By 2.30pm I thought what the heck lets fix the hair while I’m at it. I drove to my hairdresser who was actually more than accommodating seeing that I had no appointment to shampoo, straighten and highlight my bob cut (yes I was one of the black girls who jumped on the Rihanna bob cut and no I don‘t have a big forehead but I rock that fringe/bangs). By 4pm I was driving back to the hotel scattering rose petals, ordering champagne on ice for our arrival later, asking for scented candles, making sure I had brought the massage oil kit (shout out to the twins for my xmas gift).

By 5.55pm I was standing in front of my car waiting for Black in front of his office complex. I was feeling a little vulnerable and paranoid especially since I was wearing a trench coat and the best lingerie ensemble CG’s money could buy courtesy of Victoria Secret (Shout out to the ladies in Crown Plaza who in 20 minutes found me the above piece* and who got me the free entry to the Crown Spa Complex- it pays to smile and be nice!).

By the time we were entering the lobby of the hotel I was feeling so tired and exhausted. My early morning starts and very late finishes were catching up with me but I was happy I was getting some time out. Our hotel suite was on the 16th floor and at the 4th floor Black jokingly said “ Ok now show me what you got little mama” …he didn’t expect me to flash him of course but I did…lol…by his wide eyes and open mouth it looked like he approved. Unfortunately for him on the 5th floor another couple got on the elevator with us. Having seen a glimpse of the goodies he kept poking me (with his finger get your mind out of the gutter Shona!) saying “baby if we get off here and take the stairs it will be quicker”. Um yeah right…in these heels? The man was crazy…I told him to stop poking me otherwise his finger would be the only thing poking me that weekend. He immediately stopped but when we got to the 16th floor he grabbed my hand and rushed out of the elevator heading left (our suite was on the right). “Eh Eh….you don’t even know where you are going!” I said to him. Impatiently he snapped at me…”So bloody well tell me then”. Excuse me? Blogville I stopped dead in my tracks, hands on my hips, head doing its exorcist turn, foot tapping “Eh? What did you just say?”. Never seen a man apologise so quickly …stumbling and stuttering over words…lmao.

Needless to say that once we were inside the room (he didn’t even take stock of the petals, candles and champagne….after all the work…) In between removing the trench coat and kissing I was asking him “So baby you like the room?” he answered distracted.. “Yeah beautiful, yep great…lovely…baby what kind of trench coat is this? It has buttons and was it necessary to button all of them?”.
*roll eyes* clearly the vanilla scented candles had no relevance at that point. The last thing I remember was him lifting me and placing me on the bed. Now blogville before you judge let me point out that this week I have been getting a maximum of 4hours of sleep, running around work and hosting CG….so I didn’t mean to fall asleep while my man was kissing on my neck…I really didn’t. When I did wake up, I could sense he was watching me. Cocking one eye open, I saw him lounging in a chair facing me, with this unimpressed look on his face… I sneaked a loom at the bedside table clock praying I hadn’t fallen asleep for to long…it read 10pm (I had been out for 3hrs) I smiled sheepishly at him. He stared me down and said “ Now that you are rested…you better bring you’re A game…I’m expecting Cirque du Soliel type moves in this room tonight”. I would have laughed but the dead pan look on his face was telling me to play it safe. Please tell me I’m not the only one to ever do this? LOL, I did make it up to him…I did but he is still grumbling about this. Especially because CG keeps pretending to fall asleep during conversations with him and saying “Dang sorry…did I fall sleep?”. NOT HELPING CG…NOT HELPING AT ALL!

I promised Tigeress to write a post about my friend Skittles who is going through some drama's with her man. Tigeress next post will be it ok? Hopefully her drinking session with CG had her thinking about other things over the weekend...like the hangover's they have been nursing...just looking at them I can see the debauchery written on their face....makes me wonder what they got up to.....hmmm well I need to leave this office now...my Monday is almost over. Have a great week everyone!

*Disclaimer...that is not me in the picture...that is the lingerie CG bought for me.

The grass is always greener on the other side but that's just mostly because you spend most of your time looking at someone else water their garden than do anything with yours. Black is my garden...the one area of my life EVERYONE tells me that is perfect or that I am so lucky to have. Let me say that he is great but he has his flaws just as much as anyone else and if you were to ask CG she says that she could never date Black because he's too involved in a relationship (she likes her space, her distance). Now Teni thought she needed Black because he was the right fit for her and fast forward to now I see her looking happier, healthier and more sane with Jack than I have ever seen her. Her mother has glowing reports of how she has changed so much...she still gives me withering glances when she see's me out and about but honestly you can tell there is a different person in there...her heart is not in the evil looks as much...lol The devil maybe losing his number one draft pick...

Anyway so on to what got me started on this post. My good friend Skittles flew down early from Sydney to hang with CG and I during the upcoming L'Oreal Fashion Festival next week. I love Skittles she's fun, vivacious, loves colour and life to the fullest. The only area that I wish she would change is her man situation. She has been living with her man TT for 5years. He shows no sign of commitment (he still introduces her to peeps as his "boo thang" )...yeah uh huh...she's 28 years old and does not need a 30 year old referring to her in juvenile terms. Anyway she was going on about how Black was perfect blah blah so I would not understand her situation. When I tell people Black and I fight..they get this puzzled look and normally ask "about what? Why you gotta stress him girl?". So I decided that as much as I love my baby I am going to list his faults and mine as well...because hell I'm not perfect either..

First off he's always in my family issues from the jump off. Even when I first met him as a teen I was having family issues and he wanted to be the counselor extraordinaire. Sometimes I just want him to let me handle it or not handle it. On the flip side I need to let go and let people in more but I get scared that if I become too reliant on a man to solve my problems then I will be useless if the man were to leave.

He trusts way too much and I would say he's a bit naive when it comes to girls. Girls will seriously be trying to set up a one night situation and he won't see it coming until too late. Look at the Teni situation, he believed her lies way too much and couldn't see that she was romantically infatuated with him. I on the other hand don't trust anybody until you have given me reason to. I am a hard nut to crack...I believe the worst before I believe the best.

He's a workaholic...he's cut down a lot recently though. His last Blackberry died a tragic death because I was talking to him about something important at dinner and he was busy replying a work email. I snatched it off him and dunked it in the restaurant's fish tank next to the huge lobster. From this you can see I have a temper and I'm impulsive right? LOL...I did replace it with my own money though..*sheepishly grins?*

He is always late...Oh lawd I have tried everything to train this man to be early. I have promised sexual, work and domestic favours. He still is late. It does not help that I am always early for everything I do. So if he is late by 15mins it means I have been waiting for 30mins because I was there 15mins earlier.

He is impatient. If he wants something he wants it now. If he waits for something then its really important.

When I get mad I don't pause to think or try and calm myself down. I will cut you first and think about it later....just joking but you get it right? It is only through knowing people like CG and Black who have calmed me down a lot that 60% of my encounters with people have been deescalated because I took a step back.

Ok those are some of the faults if I continued I might not have a boyfriend at the end of it...lol. What about you guys what are your faults?

On a separate note: This Friday & Saturday night I really have to take some time to chill with Black I have been neglecting him so much since CG came and what makes it worse is that he's been busy with work and so have I. I think I have seen him once in the last 5 days, spoken to him twice and emailed him the rest of time. You can't conduct a relationship via email can you? CG is taking me shopping (Victoria's Secret...her treat..yay) and giving us her hotel room to use... so hopefully I can pick up some sexy pieces and try and make it up to him. I'm thinking though that if I work my butt off this week by Friday I can leave work early...I will go cliche, wear lingerie under a trench coat (pray there are no gusts of wind), pick him up from work and go direct to the hotel where I can pamper him. Good idea? Does anyone realise that being in a relationship you work harder at it than when you were single and looking for a man? Seriously when I was single and mingling the effort I put in was not anywhere near the effort I put in keeping this relationship going. When I say work I do not mean it as a chore, I enjoy juggling my work, friends, family and him and it is a big ask but fun too because it fills my days.

Hope you are all good! Shout out to the regulars for showing love on this blog...we read although we may not always write on your blogs! (Bumight, Tigeress, Danny B, Temite, Shona aka Mai sexy, Miss DM, Haddasah, Nefertiti, Buttercup, Afrobabe, Toluwa) Stay well xxxx

** SIRIUS** babe I was so sure I had listed you here...so shout out to SIRIUS and Qube Word Smith and Mike!

Its been a long ass week......... im so glad its friday night cuz ive major plans...... im taking melbourne by storm....lol.... we r hitting the clubs tonight. shoot, ive to get dressed now!

Lets rewind..........i was so nervous and excited all through the long haul flight. I was finally seeing my girl, my sidekick, my one and only (ok i have to be nice so she can feed me). I opted to stay with her despite the company booking me into a room at Crown towers and its so annoying, i dont have the cash option so i still have the hotel key. Maybe if BG decides to hook me up with a casual fling, it may be useful...lol

Work has been crazy. Please the next time i talk about an upcoming out of town project, pls snap me out of it. I am saying NO to out of state projects for at least one year. From packing (with the unpredictable Australian weather), to the stupid ass customs..... Quick story, i paid $250 to fix my Brazillian virgin hair (the stupid weave cost me so much money to buy ) cuz i decided i had to look trendy for my work/vacation. Feeling good with myself, i walked through customs after claiming my luggage and lo and behold! i found myself taken to a room for a quick search. Apparently, customs have now caught on to the possibility of drugs being smuggled under our “fake hair”. I was so pissed, cant even explain to you guys....

Tuesday evening, i went for dinner and drinks with BG at a place called Ondergrounds ...... and wait for it......... i met a guy! Tall, white and cute with blue eyes. just like i like them.... I know, you dont have to tell me, i have a man that loves me...bla, bla bla!!!!!
Anyway, i sat at the bar with BG and ordered some signature cocktails, i requested for my usual appletini and the bar dude told us the drinks were on this guy, lets call him Jay. Let me confess here that i can be a huge flirt and in a new town, i brought my A game!!!! He looked so handsome with his polo shirt, dark jeans and some gorgeous looking shoes.. I winked at him and mouthed thanks. Taking that as his cue, he walks over and started talking in that aussie accent: the good one! my knees started shaking. see a casual fling staring right in front of me. Oh my! i need help. BG took over as she realised i had started stuttering. Dont blame me, i was lusting with no boundaries. He introduced himself to us and asked if it was ok he joined us with his friend....... Drama! Friend comes over and guess who?????? wait.......... erm.......... BG's ex! I had heard so much about the effer and seen pictures and we are supposed to hate him so u can imagine the complication. It was shocking. BG's ex excused himself almost immediately but left Jay. Hallelujah! I really dont remember how we got through the night, i think i had over 7 drinks and was on the verge of getting drunk. He is so fun to talk to. I told him i was on a work assignment and he asked for my address and number. I dont know why i gave him. Guess i couldnt resist his blue eyes.... Why am i a sucker for casual flings with white guys????????? Ok, im not saying abything is going to happen between us but hey, ive got like 3 weeks to go, who knows what wil happen. Anyway i digress

This morning, i got a bouquet of flowers at work, which apparently went round the whole offices cuz they were trying to figure out who CG was..... (note im an external consultant, i think i should have told him no one really knew my name) and the card that came with it read " dinner tomorrow?"
He called me later in the afternoon and i had to say yes. In the words of BG, let him keep u company while ur here, so u'd appreciate D.J when u get back to NY......
I have not told Black yet...lol, he's gonna freak and be upset, i think! Im a big girl, i can handle myself.... and he better not be reading this post cuz BG will be in trouble for her advice....lol

I see Jay as a good distraction and who knows? maybe we could use my empty room at Crown Towers. Right now, im going to focus on what to wear for dinner tomorrow.

P:s- pls note, i DO NOT condone any form of cheating in a relationship.....lol......... i am not cheating on D.J.... I am just making friends with Jay, who knows when i will need him in future.........

So Friday, 7am, running around in my black lace, cherry Laperla underwear was not my idea of being cool, calm , collected and organised for CG‘s arrival. HOWEVER if someone had not insisted on first thing in the morning nookie and had STUCK to the promise of “baby it will only be a quickie…15mins tops” I would NOT be jumping from foot to foot trying to fit into a pair of jeans, touch up the weave, do my make up, find my car keys and find the right pair of heels. Anyway finally fitting into the jeans and heels to match I was nearly on my way to the airport when Black who was lying on my bed looking oh so rested and casual cleared his throat and pointed at the lack of coverage on the top half of my body. I was wearing just my bra …quickly delving back into the wardrobe I found a white, tight singlet, chucked on my oversized wrap around sunglasses and ran out of the apartment at top speed to pick up CG and the twins. I was able to get to the airport in 45 minutes when it should have taken me double that in the horrific traffic only to find out that CG and the twins were held up in customs. An hour later they emerge looking hella pissed pushing their luggage with this air of “Just get us out of here”. Once we had all kissed each other hello and piled into my car, which had a ticket for being parked over time in the short term parking (thanks parking attendants at Tullamarine airport) CG pointed to her weave which looked a bit ruffled and said “ Do you see your customs people acting like they are the CIA in my hair?” Apparently…WARNING to black female, weave wearers of the world customs have now caught on to the possibility of drugs being smuggled under our “fake hair” a point which CG had to debate with them for 15mins because as she puts it… “its my real hair because I paid for it”.
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Saturday afternoon I took CG with me to my pole dancing class (its good for toning….and some other stuff that I have forgotten about right now) and walking back from class to my car CG see’s this sex store and drags me in there. I was still shocked by half the appliances up front when I realised CG had disappeared and could see her bum wiggling in the air right down the back of the shop. She finally straightens up with a portable stripper pole in one hand and purse in the other with a determined look. I started to shake my head because I knew that stripper pole was not being bought for her as a memento on her trip. Ignoring my refusals and excuses she paid for it and I looked sheepish and embarrassed as the cashier rang up the price (those interested…a portable pole goes for $50AUD). Carrying that pole to my car and then to my apartment I looked mortified at the stares we were getting…CG on the other hand looked at me and said “Oh what? Now you're embarrassed? You take pole dancing classes and you have no pole at home….how do you expect to excel or maintain….don’t be half arsed about it now. Some of these heifers wished they could do a split while hanging upside down on a pole…you got skills baby…SKILLS!”. Needless to say the shine in black’s eyes and the sudden skip to his step was impossible to notice. He has never offered so quickly to put up anything. I bought a beautiful full length mirror last week that took me 3 days of nagging to get him to finally hang up for me….the stripper pole took him all of 30mins to have it up. Just to wipe the smile off his face I reminded him that as CG was staying with me any pole dancing would have to be done after she leaves (of course that’s not true but it sure as hell stopped him from whistling “I am in love with a stripper”). That very same night we went to a well known Gentleman’s club to “witness a practical demonstration” as CG put it…again Black was happy as pie…You can see why he and CG are good friends right? ************************************************************************************
I honestly thought CG would have some time to chill with me during the week days but her job is a lot more hectic than I gave her credit for. Being a fashion consultant to a department stores is harder than to individual clients because you need to recommend fashion pieces that the department stores clientele will be able to purchase but also happens to maintain and at times elevate the department stores style reputation as well. I spent a whole hour with CG at work and instantly craved my office where my phone rings every 15 minutes, my files although high never intimidate me, my lunch hour is exactly an hour, never is it subject to change without notice and where clients and work colleagues do not barge into my office unannounced and stressed to the max! Although I have to wonder how she keeps her mind focused when you have half naked male models being paraded in front of you so that you can view the new Peter Alexander pajama wear for ‘09 or why her assistants just look down right sexy…
No fair huh? Sorry its been a long post but thought I should update you guys because Eish the coming weekend’s and weeks are looking a tad busy…. I have not even had time to question the twins properly…but I will do my best to update you all…xxx