I promised this post for Tigeress who wanted some more insight into my friend Skittles situation. Just a reminder where I introduced her in my last postI love Skittles she's fun, vivacious, loves colour and life to the fullest. The only area that I wish she would change is her man situation. She has been living with her man TT for 5years. He shows no sign of commitment (he still introduces her to peeps as his "boo thang" )...yeah uh huh...she's 28 years old and does not need a 30 year old referring to her in juvenile terms
You might know a guy like Skittles boyfriend he is in no way a bad guy. He is quite sweet, loving, respectful, appreciative and attentive as far as boyfriend's go. The sticking point in their relationship is his inability to show commitment that moves the relationship forward. In all relationship's you always come to a point in deciding whether you can no longer be where you are at or whether you continue on to the next stage. Stagnant relationships make for unhappy people. It doesn't even apply to just boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, it also applies to friends, ex's, jobs etc. In this case Skittle's and TT have been together for 11 years in total. After 5 years they came to the point of moving in together. Now they are in this stagnant place where she wants marriage and he wants to hold off for a while longer. When she presses him for how much longer she will have to wait he shrugs, is silent or gets angry and tells her to stop nagging him.
Everyone from my mother, her mother to CG, me and to Black himself have told her to put her foot down and request that he put the ring on it. Skittles greatest reason for hesitation was being unsure of TT's response. If she did say its the ring or the end she honestly felt that he would turn around and surprise her by ending the relationship. However she could not go forward and she could not go backward. While she was here, Skittles mind was clearly elsewhere. After bugging her for days finally she admitted to what was worrying her. She was pregnant and had just found out before traveling .You can imagine my shock. CG nearly choked on her wine and Black looked up at the ceiling. Anyway she had already decided to keep the baby and wanted to tell TT the good news. She was very optimistic that this was a sign and it would be the push their relationship needed. When she returned home this week she told TT the news and he went ballistic. He Accused her of trying to trap him (after 11yrs she tries to trap you now?...erm ok)and forcing him into marriage so soon (soon? the man is 30, they own the home they live in and he has a regular high income). I'm sure TT is just freaked out and needs time to comprehend this new development but their situation got me thinking. What was once an issue about choice or decision is now about responsibility and obligation...two words that can kill romance so quick that you will get dizzy.
Like I said although this is a relationship problem this can occur in anyone's relationship. If you are in a job that no longer makes you happy or a friend that no longer provides you with the friendship you require or want you feel suffocated in no man's land waiting for to something to change the situation. If you have an ex that you go back and forth with and always seem to return to the same place again that going nowhere situation will always leave you unhappy, unsure and dissatisfied. Don't let something decide for you what you HAVE to do, make the choice and decide what you WANT and NEED to do.
One of the most eye opening books is Iyanla Vanzant's book In the meantime. Ms Vanzant speak the truth by pointing out that a lot of us are "In the meantime" i.e “When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime.”
People in the meantime:
• You know what is wrong with your ex-lover yet still get drawn in with his/her issues
• You are crying for no apparent reason, and you do not want anyone to know you are crying.
• You have been fired or laid off.
• You are separated or recently divorced.
• You haven’t had any dates in the last nine months.
• You are not married but have been sharing toothpaste and closet space and still aren’t sure this is what you want to be doing.
• You are not married, do not share toothpaste, and have given up on dating.
And here is what is probably going through your mind:
Don't know why I can't go. Don't know why I should stay. Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how I am going to get there, wherever there is.
Well Bond Girl likes to keep it light in her posts but this one is serious and close to her heart so what does Blogville think? Am I right is it best to make the hard decision to let go before something happens and its made for you?
Having not seen Black this whole week it was kind of a thrill to be able to call him to make plans about our weekend rendezvous. We both normally finish quite late on a Friday but I actually managed to leave work by midday (when I’m on a mission I can finish a pile of work so quickly it will make my own head spin) and Black had shuffled his day around to be able to leave by 6pm. By 1pm I was at Crown Spa Complex getting myself waxed, plucked, manicured, pedicured, scrubbed, painted, massaged and lathered up with vanilla mousse lotion. By 2.30pm I thought what the heck lets fix the hair while I’m at it. I drove to my hairdresser who was actually more than accommodating seeing that I had no appointment to shampoo, straighten and highlight my bob cut (yes I was one of the black girls who jumped on the Rihanna bob cut and no I don‘t have a big forehead but I rock that fringe/bangs). By 4pm I was driving back to the hotel scattering rose petals, ordering champagne on ice for our arrival later, asking for scented candles, making sure I had brought the massage oil kit (shout out to the twins for my xmas gift).
By 5.55pm I was standing in front of my car waiting for Black in front of his office complex. I was feeling a little vulnerable and paranoid especially since I was wearing a trench coat and the best lingerie ensemble CG’s money could buy courtesy of Victoria Secret (Shout out to the ladies in Crown Plaza who in 20 minutes found me the above piece* and who got me the free entry to the Crown Spa Complex- it pays to smile and be nice!).
By the time we were entering the lobby of the hotel I was feeling so tired and exhausted. My early morning starts and very late finishes were catching up with me but I was happy I was getting some time out. Our hotel suite was on the 16th floor and at the 4th floor Black jokingly said “ Ok now show me what you got little mama” …he didn’t expect me to flash him of course but I did…lol…by his wide eyes and open mouth it looked like he approved. Unfortunately for him on the 5th floor another couple got on the elevator with us. Having seen a glimpse of the goodies he kept poking me (with his finger get your mind out of the gutter Shona!) saying “baby if we get off here and take the stairs it will be quicker”. Um yeah right…in these heels? The man was crazy…I told him to stop poking me otherwise his finger would be the only thing poking me that weekend. He immediately stopped but when we got to the 16th floor he grabbed my hand and rushed out of the elevator heading left (our suite was on the right). “Eh Eh….you don’t even know where you are going!” I said to him. Impatiently he snapped at me…”So bloody well tell me then”. Excuse me? Blogville I stopped dead in my tracks, hands on my hips, head doing its exorcist turn, foot tapping “Eh? What did you just say?”. Never seen a man apologise so quickly …stumbling and stuttering over words…lmao.
Needless to say that once we were inside the room (he didn’t even take stock of the petals, candles and champagne….after all the work…) In between removing the trench coat and kissing I was asking him “So baby you like the room?” he answered distracted.. “Yeah beautiful, yep great…lovely…baby what kind of trench coat is this? It has buttons and was it necessary to button all of them?”.
*roll eyes* clearly the vanilla scented candles had no relevance at that point. The last thing I remember was him lifting me and placing me on the bed. Now blogville before you judge let me point out that this week I have been getting a maximum of 4hours of sleep, running around work and hosting CG….so I didn’t mean to fall asleep while my man was kissing on my neck…I really didn’t. When I did wake up, I could sense he was watching me. Cocking one eye open, I saw him lounging in a chair facing me, with this unimpressed look on his face… I sneaked a loom at the bedside table clock praying I hadn’t fallen asleep for to long…it read 10pm (I had been out for 3hrs) I smiled sheepishly at him. He stared me down and said “ Now that you are rested…you better bring you’re A game…I’m expecting Cirque du Soliel type moves in this room tonight”. I would have laughed but the dead pan look on his face was telling me to play it safe. Please tell me I’m not the only one to ever do this? LOL, I did make it up to him…I did but he is still grumbling about this. Especially because CG keeps pretending to fall asleep during conversations with him and saying “Dang sorry…did I fall sleep?”. NOT HELPING CG…NOT HELPING AT ALL!
I promised Tigeress to write a post about my friend Skittles who is going through some drama's with her man. Tigeress next post will be it ok? Hopefully her drinking session with CG had her thinking about other things over the weekend...like the hangover's they have been nursing...just looking at them I can see the debauchery written on their face....makes me wonder what they got up to.....hmmm well I need to leave this office now...my Monday is almost over. Have a great week everyone!
*Disclaimer...that is not me in the picture...that is the lingerie CG bought for me.
