Bond Girl getting serious about Skittles
Thursday 26 March 2009
I promised this post for Tigeress who wanted some more insight into my friend Skittles situation. Just a reminder where I introduced her in my last postI love Skittles she's fun, vivacious, loves colour and life to the fullest. The only area that I wish she would change is her man situation. She has been living with her man TT for 5years. He shows no sign of commitment (he still introduces her to peeps as his "boo thang" )...yeah uh huh...she's 28 years old and does not need a 30 year old referring to her in juvenile terms
You might know a guy like Skittles boyfriend he is in no way a bad guy. He is quite sweet, loving, respectful, appreciative and attentive as far as boyfriend's go. The sticking point in their relationship is his inability to show commitment that moves the relationship forward. In all relationship's you always come to a point in deciding whether you can no longer be where you are at or whether you continue on to the next stage. Stagnant relationships make for unhappy people. It doesn't even apply to just boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, it also applies to friends, ex's, jobs etc. In this case Skittle's and TT have been together for 11 years in total. After 5 years they came to the point of moving in together. Now they are in this stagnant place where she wants marriage and he wants to hold off for a while longer. When she presses him for how much longer she will have to wait he shrugs, is silent or gets angry and tells her to stop nagging him.
Everyone from my mother, her mother to CG, me and to Black himself have told her to put her foot down and request that he put the ring on it. Skittles greatest reason for hesitation was being unsure of TT's response. If she did say its the ring or the end she honestly felt that he would turn around and surprise her by ending the relationship. However she could not go forward and she could not go backward. While she was here, Skittles mind was clearly elsewhere. After bugging her for days finally she admitted to what was worrying her. She was pregnant and had just found out before traveling .You can imagine my shock. CG nearly choked on her wine and Black looked up at the ceiling. Anyway she had already decided to keep the baby and wanted to tell TT the good news. She was very optimistic that this was a sign and it would be the push their relationship needed. When she returned home this week she told TT the news and he went ballistic. He Accused her of trying to trap him (after 11yrs she tries to trap you now?...erm ok)and forcing him into marriage so soon (soon? the man is 30, they own the home they live in and he has a regular high income). I'm sure TT is just freaked out and needs time to comprehend this new development but their situation got me thinking. What was once an issue about choice or decision is now about responsibility and obligation...two words that can kill romance so quick that you will get dizzy.
Like I said although this is a relationship problem this can occur in anyone's relationship. If you are in a job that no longer makes you happy or a friend that no longer provides you with the friendship you require or want you feel suffocated in no man's land waiting for to something to change the situation. If you have an ex that you go back and forth with and always seem to return to the same place again that going nowhere situation will always leave you unhappy, unsure and dissatisfied. Don't let something decide for you what you HAVE to do, make the choice and decide what you WANT and NEED to do.
One of the most eye opening books is Iyanla Vanzant's book In the meantime. Ms Vanzant speak the truth by pointing out that a lot of us are "In the meantime" i.e “When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime.”
People in the meantime:
• You know what is wrong with your ex-lover yet still get drawn in with his/her issues
• You are crying for no apparent reason, and you do not want anyone to know you are crying.
• You have been fired or laid off.
• You are separated or recently divorced.
• You haven’t had any dates in the last nine months.
• You are not married but have been sharing toothpaste and closet space and still aren’t sure this is what you want to be doing.
• You are not married, do not share toothpaste, and have given up on dating.
And here is what is probably going through your mind:
Don't know why I can't go. Don't know why I should stay. Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how I am going to get there, wherever there is.
Well Bond Girl likes to keep it light in her posts but this one is serious and close to her heart so what does Blogville think? Am I right is it best to make the hard decision to let go before something happens and its made for you?
26 March 2009 at 05:49
FIRST!!!!!!!
Just claiming my spot!!!Girl, I just saw SKITTLES...I HEART SKITTLES and I understand you guys in Aus have large bottles of Skittles..you could really make ur sis-in-law happy by sending her 10!!LOL!!
Ok off to read
26 March 2009 at 05:59
You are so right in that if you feel stuck or in a rut, the best thing to do is move on. It might be easier said than done, but I'm a person who doesn't settle in any aspect of my life so I keep it moving, assess the situation, talk it through and if two people are on different pages then keep it moving otherwise it results in resentment...and nothing's worse than being in a relationship full of resentment!
26 March 2009 at 06:00
Wow...m third too!!!
26 March 2009 at 06:17
Hiss Shona, I'm second.
For me, this is a 'let it burn' situation. Being a man, and given how TT is acting, he's holding out for something better. Skittles doesnt want to be with that. Because, if his 20%(Tyler Perry's"Why did I get married?") shows up, he'll drop her like a bad habit.
She needs to give him and ultimatum and mean it. It might be the wake up call he needs. Or it might be the wake up call she needs. Either way, clarity will come to them both.
26 March 2009 at 09:22
Wow!......I am speechless for skittles.
To be honest, if he feels trapped, that relationship will never find happiness again.
Wow.....this is really deep. Hard as it is, Skittles should walk * my heart bleeds as I write that. But her happiness should come 1st, and if he's not happy, she'll never be happy.
Skittles should take her 11years of memories and walk, no need to give him an ultimatum, BUT, she should ask him what he wants to do, and if it sounds like he's hesitant then she should call it.
Pls keep us updated.
26 March 2009 at 11:05
Okay, issues like these really get to me. He is too damn old to be acting a fool. "trap you..." like really? Home gurl needs to make a run for it. That nucca doesn't sound like he even knows where he's going. Why the heck are they living together again? Skittles gurl, if you could have that Gucci purse for free would you really pay for it? he has everything he's ever wanted (Stable relationship, warm bed, a cook, cleaner, drycleaner, maid... everything)and then some. Please do not sell urself short. Get out before it gets really bad.
I was trying really hard not to sound like a witch, but I see I didn't really do a good job :( Oh well, gonna publish the comment just like so. If I try and take anything back, I'd be lying...
26 March 2009 at 11:51
@ Shona Iwe joblessness @ work right taking up the top 3...temite and bumight will not be impressed. Skittles are the way forward...Skittles loves them hence her name..
@ SMF its nice to get a man's perspective because the girls have been the main ones talking about leaving him and Skittles thinks thats just us hating on her happiness
@ Sirius thankyou my dear at least you see sense. I will keep updated for sure its such a shame especially now with a child in the mix.
@ Nefie...please girl do not be shy to say what is real. We have been telling her to leave him before she moved in with him. We even said to her to put her ultimatum down before she told TT about the baby to see how he would react without baby in the equation but she didnt want it that way.
26 March 2009 at 12:21
WTH, i shld have been first. i'm sure this is gonna be juicy let me go and read. hehehehehe
26 March 2009 at 12:33
Bondgirl sorry if i appear cold but i'm sorry i do not feel for Skittles whatsoever. As Bube said in Reloaded she's obviously a W.I.F.E. Good for
Washing
Ironing
Fucking and
Etc.
Na she bi d mugoon. Why her ass is still sitting down there is beyond me. infact i dey vex. WTF!!!! why wld u move in with a man who has not proposed to u nor has he married you. LADIES LADIES u DO NOT treat a bf like a husband under no circumstances!
After being with a woman for 11 years, if TT had any intensions of marrying her- he wld have said something by now. Skittles needs therapy. maybe she wasnt loved as a child. By the sound of it, she either will be a baby mama or will get an abortion- just wait and see. Anyway BG, do give her a BIG hug for me cos mehn thats what she sure needs. And dont be surprised that if she walks out on him that he wont come begging- he'll probably hook up with another chick few weeks afterwards. Skittles needs to love herself and know her self worth.
Anyway, enof ranting. Wetin concern me? i don talk too much.
26 March 2009 at 12:35
@ Tigeress seeing as this was for you I was actually thinking you would be here first...alas there are jobless people before you...lol
26 March 2009 at 12:38
Back again! lol!! A woman doesnt demand a man to buy her ring. The Bible clearly says HE that findeth a wife.... NOT she that findeth husband. When a man wants to marry a woman- he wld make it CLEARLY known!
26 March 2009 at 13:39
He either grows up or she moves on....... He's getting all the services of a wife why then would he shell out $$$ for a wedding?
'boo thang', 'feeling trapped with a baby after 11 years' errrrrrrrr, home girl needs to think real hard cos at this point even if he puts a ring on it at the back of his mind he will always feel trapped
26 March 2009 at 20:03
BondGirl you're on point with this one. It's so sad when I see a friend in that situation. I actually get angry but I guess they are just drawn to the boo's weakness. This is also a male thing o!>..It doesn't just happen to the ladies...some suffer this strange attraction to women who refuse to commit!...I hope Skittles is happy in the end whether in on or out with TT because that's what matters...
I admire her decision to keep it
x!
27 March 2009 at 16:42
wow..she's pregnant..
TT is obviously not as into her as she wants him to be..his reaction to the news of her pregnancy was enough proof.
she needs to leave and make a change for herself..he's holding her back and keeping her from what she truly deserves..but then again, theres the baby to think about..
i feel so bad for her..
1 April 2009 at 02:59
TT has something on the side...I will bet my bottom dollar on it. and that something may well be pregnant too. the glaring gap in this story is the obvious one. you are with a woman for 11 years ( five of those living together ), earn well, co-own a house with her...and go punk that she is pregnant with your child??? Black man need to be hit upside on the head with a cricket bat by Ricky Ponting or Kevin Pietersen. Skittles you deserve better than this.